“Swearing at Work." Dear Employee: It has been brought to management's attention that you have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with your colleagues. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with colleagues. Therefore, a list of 12 new and innovative, "TRY SAYING" phrases that have been provided, so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner. 1. Try Saying: I think you could do with more training Instead Of: You don't have a f*cking clue, do you? 2. Try Saying: She's an aggressive go-getter. Instead Of: She's a f*cking power-crazy bitch 3. Try Saying: Perhaps I can work late Instead Of: And when the f*ck do you expect me to do this? 4. Try Saying: I'm certain that isn't feasible Instead Of: F*ck off arse-wipe 5. Try Saying: Really? Instead Of: Well f*ck me backwards with a barge pole 6. Try Saying: Perhaps you should check with... Instead Of: Try telling someone who gives a ****. 7. Try Saying: I wasn't involved in the project. Instead Of: Not my f*cking problem, mate. 8. Try Saying: That's interesting. Instead Of: What the f*ck? 9. Try Saying: I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale. Instead Of: No f*cking chance mate. 10. Try Saying: It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in Instead Of: Why the f*ck didn't you tell me that yesterday? 11. Try Saying: He's not familiar with the issues Instead Of: He's got his head up his f*cking arse. 12. Try Saying: Excuse me? Instead Of: Oi, f*ckface.
Dear Mr Wetherspoon, aka Worsel Scumage. I'm sorry to hear about your beerless struggles. Maybe you should embark on a journey to the f*cking toilets in one of your establishments to pass the time??? The whole ****show might be sorted by the time you get back.. Last time I made the perilous journey to the bathroom I climbed so many levels I was given Oxygen by the 'Sherpa of the Stairs' half way up and left Earths atmosphere rounding the final bend. Everyone had aged about 20 years when I returned, I had grandchildren... but I hadn't aged a day!
I'm not saying the wife is a fat greedy tw*t. But she's just cleaned the oven with two slices of bread.
Scientists now believe that if you masturbate frequently you have a greater chance of developing Tourettes in later life. How the f*ck these b*stard brained arseholes come up with these c*cksucking motherf*cking ideas is beyond me, for f*cksake!!.... pricks
