Did you know that God asked Noah to build a second ark? Shortly after finishing the first one God said to Noah I’d like you to build me another one this time I want it to have lots of different levels. What do you want to put in it enquired Noah, fish said God. What type of fish ? Carp said God. Why said Noah. Well said God I’ve always fancied owning a multi story carp ark.
I started a business making wedding cakes, became quite expert and they gradually became more and more complicated. I got to the stage where they were often 5 or 6 levels but no one wanted to buy them ... ... I always knew it would end in tiers.
My wife and I have taken up woodworking. My mate said he didn't know we were carpenters. I said, “We've only just begun.”
I was in A&E last night feeling really sick as I do most nights. The doctor told me it was a case of the heebie beegees! I asked what the hell that was and he said, "It's night fever, night fever."
A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone." "No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?" His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror,stare at myself and repeat 3 times I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.' It worked! The headaches are all gone." "Well, that is wonderful," replies the husband. His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before. His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!" The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back." He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying, She's not my wife! She's not my wife! She's not my wife!" His funeral service will be held on Saturday.
