That reminds me I went to a restaurant last night and the steak was so tough it threw me into the car park
An old couple are in a taxi in America. The taxi driver says, "So, which part of England are you folks from?" The old man replies, "From Yorkshire" The old lady says, "What did he say?" The old man says, "He asked which part of England we are from, and I said Yorkshire" The taxi driver says, "I've been to Yorkshire once. I stayed with an old couple. The woman was horrible, a real bitch, it put me off on ever going back to England!" The old lady says, "What did he say?" The old man says, "The driver says he knows you!"
Seamus was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds." When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 POUNDS! "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" The Irishman nodded..."I'll tell you though, bejasus, I t'aut I were going to drop dead dat 3rd day." "From hunger, you mean?" "No, from de bloody skippin'!!!!!"
