News just in...... A Taliban spokesman announced to the BBC today, they are now in control of Bradford, Oldham, Luton and Rochdale and expect to have full control of London by the weekend. ...
VOTED BEST JOKE IN IRELAND John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep". YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO SEND THIS ON
A rich Australian woman said to her friends that she wanted to have sex with a virgin man. They looked all over Aussieland without success. For months they had no luck finding the type of man that she was looking for. Then one day her friend said that she had heard about a young fellow who had never been with a woman. "Excellent . . . . lets go and find him." It took them a couple of days to get to his town and when they met she was a little shocked to find that he was an Aborigine. She asked him if he had been with a woman before and he confirmed that he had not. "Great" she said "I've booked the best room at the local hotel." When they got to the hotel it was fantastic so she started getting undressed. She looked round to find the Aborigine moving all the furniture, rolling up the carpets and putting all of the ornaments in the corner. "What are you doing" she asked. "Well I've never been with a woman before, but if they are anything like kangaroos I'm gonna need some space."
I took it well when my wife told me that I wasn't the father of the 6yr old boy I thought was mine and, apparently, I need to take more care at school pick up time.
One Monday morning a postman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out the front door, stepping around empty beer and liquor bottles. “Wow, Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night!” the postman says. Bob, in obvious pain, replies — “Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4 am Sunday morning.” “We had about 15 couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. Hell, we got so drunk around midnight that we started playing Who Am I?” “Is that a game?” the postman asks, all curious. “How do you play that?” Bob replies — “Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our ‘privates’ showing through a hole in the sheet.” “Then the women try to guess who it is.” The postman laughs and says — “Damn, I’m sorry I missed all that fun.” “Well, that’s why I came out to talk to you,” Bob says. “You better lie low for a few days, since your name came up seven times and many of the guys are looking for you.”
Paddy decides to take up boxing and goes for the required medical. A few days later the doctor phones and says "Paddy, you realise you've got sugar diabetes" Paddy says, "Nice one, when do I fight him?"
Such an unfair world:- When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its $10.50/min (charges may vary).
