Murphy and O'Brien go out into the woods, when they come across a clearing and see an abandoned well. Murphy said....”I wonder how deep that well is?” O'Brien scratched his head and said, “I know one way to work it out.” Murphy says '”What the feck's that then?” O'Brien says, “We drop something down it, time how long it takes to hit the bottom, multiply that time by 32 feet per second squared, the rate at which objects fall in a vacuum, subtract a little for wind resistance and we've got the depth of the well.” Murphy says, “What are you going to drop down it, then?” O'Brien looked all around and he saw this big heavy log lying on the ground, so he squats down by the log and, using his legs correctly, he gets it up onto his shoulders and staggers over to the edge of the well, tips it up, drops it into the well and they start to count, “One hippopotamus, two hippopotamus, three .................... “ Splash! Murphy said, “Three seconds. Quick, multiply that time 32 feet per second squared....it’s 288 feet!. Subtract a little for wind resistance, let's say 18 feet, so the depth of that well is 270 feet.” As he finished the calculation Murphy shouts, 'Look Out!” and he pushed O'Brien backwards and a goat flew between them and went head first down the well. Murphy said.... “My God, I've never seen anything like that.” Just then a farmer walks into the clearing and said, “What's going on here, boys?” O'Brien says, “We just worked out the depth of this well to be about 270 feet and then the strangest thing happened . . . . a goat flew between the two of us and went head first down into the well.” The farmer says, “Thank heavens that it wasn't one of my goats.” Murphy says, “How do you know that it wasn't one of your goats?” The farmer says, “Because all of my goats are tethered to big heavy logs.”
When I was about 9 years old, I accompanied my father to the funeral of a friend of his, someone who I didn't even know. When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the time to pass. Then a man approached me and said, 'Enjoy life kid, be happy because time flies. Look at me now, I didn't enjoy it.' Then he passed his hand over my head and left. My father, before leaving, forced me to say goodbye to the dead person. When I looked in the coffin, I was horrified to see that the man in the coffin was the same man who had spoken to me! I was so traumatised I couldn't sleep properly. I had terrible nightmares. I was terrified of being alone. I couldn't sleep without a night light for many years. I saw many psychologists, endured much turmoil throughout my adolescent years. It got better as I aged, but I would still occasionally wake up screaming in fear. Years later, I discovered something incredible that changed my life... The dead bastard had a twin.
Someone advised me to write a letter to all of the people that I hate, laying out exactly why I hated them, then to burn them. I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters
Not a joke. Fact. Check it out. If you google "why were cornflakes invented" you get the answer ..... because Dr Kellogg believed eating plain food stopped people masturbating. That's also why there is a picture of a cock on the box .
I can't believe how much weight the wife's put on since she's been off work. I'll be glad when the weekend's over.
