Went to the hospital today, I said "I've been bitten by a wolf" They said "where?" I said "no just an ordinary one"..........
A mother-in-law stopped by unexpectedly the recently married couple's house. She knocks on the door, then immediately walks in. She is shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm waiting for Jeff to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered. "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed. "This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained. "Love dress? But you're naked!" "Jeff loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy." The mother-in-law on the way home thought about the love dress. When she got home she got undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and expectantly waited for her husband, lying provocatively on the couch. Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her naked on the couch. "What are you doing?" he asked. "This is my love dress," she replied. "Needs ironing," he says" "What's for dinner?"
Saw a sign on the train saying, "Please give this seat to an elderly person." So I unscrewed it and took it to my Grandad's house
So I was in Waitrose on the island of Guernsey the other day and I asked a staff member: "Can you tell me where the potatoes are please?" She said: "On the next aisle". So I nipped over to Jersey.......
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee after Mass. The first Catholic man tells his friends, “My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.” The second Catholic man chirps, “My son is a Bishop, when he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Grace’.” The third Catholic man says, “My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says ‘Your Eminence’.” The fourth Catholic man says, “My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Holiness’.” Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men gave her a look and said, “Well….?” She proudly replies, “I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38 Double D breasts, 24″ waist, and 34″ hips. When she walks into a room, people say, “Oh My God.”
I know I joke a lot on my posts, but on a serious note, I need everyone to wish me luck. I have a meeting at the bank and if all goes well I'll be debt free and own everything that I have now. I'm soooo excited, I can hardly put my balaclava on.
