Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

Couple of questions.

Firstly, have you ever been so engrossed with a beautiful lass walking down the street, that you've almost crashed into a parked car?

Secondly, does anyone have a spare room and a fair bit of storage space

 

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I bought a James Bond video when I was on holiday in Europe . . . . it was very cheap

Four Euros Only

 

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The wife is singing in the house.

I’m sat out in the garden so that the neighbours can see that I’m not killing her !

 

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A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. “Why of course,” comes the reply.

The first man then asks.....“Where are you from?”..... I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man. The first man responds..... “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have another round to toast the lovely Ireland.”.....“Of course,” .....replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks.....“Where in Ireland are you from?”.....“Dublin,” comes the reply..... “I can’t believe it,” says the first man.....“I’m from Dublin too! Let’s have another drink to Dublin.”.....“Of course,” replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: “What school did you go to?”.....“Saint Mary’s,” replies the second man.....“I graduated in ’62.”......“This is unbelievable!” the first man says.....“I went to Saint Mary’s and I graduated in ’62, too!”

About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. “What’s been going on?” he asks the bartender.

“Nothing much,” replies the bartender. “The O’Malley twins are drunk again."

 

Once upon a time there was a little girl and one day her mammy decided that it was time for her to learn how to cook sausages.

So she explains, slowly and patiently:
"You cut off the ends of the sausages, put a non-stick pan over a medium heat, and then add the sausages. Keep cooking, moving them around in the pan and turning them over regularly to cook them evenly."

The little girl listens, pays attention, and watches closely as her mammy shows her how it's done . . . . but this little girl is clever, and she asks questions:
"Mummy, why do you cut off the ends of the sausages?"

The mother is slightly thrown off guard 'cos she doesn't know, and just tries to avoid the subject.
"That's just how it's done, hunny."

Weeks go by and one day the time has come to have sausages again and the ritual repeats itself - the mummy explains, the little girl watches and learns, and after some careful consideration she asks the exact same question:

"Mummy, you still didn't tell my why you cut off the ends of the sausages !"

At this point the mother can't brush off the little girl anymore and tells her that she just doesn't know, but they will ask the little girl's grandmother.

So they drive up to grandma's house, they make conversation, and at some point the little girl just has to ask: "Grandma, why do you cut off the ends of the sausages?"

Just like the mother, the grandmother simply does not know. She tries to tell the little girl that she should just do as she is told, but this little girl is persistent.

One thing leads to another and finally they all agree that they will ask the little girl's great grandma, who is still alive.

So they drive up to the retirement home. Now, you should know that the great grandma is old, getting deaf and she shouts, hence the ALL CAPS.

Once again they try to make conversation, which is not easy because the great grandma is hard of hearing, but, you guessed it, the moment finally comes, and the little girl asks:

"Great grandma, I just have to ask . . . . why do you cut off the ends of the sausages?"

"WHAT? SPEAK UP, GIRL, I CAN'T HEAR YOU! SAY THAT AGAIN", great grandma replies.

The child raises her voice, and asks again:
"WHY DO YOU CUT OFF THE ENDS OF THE SAUSAGES?"

Great grandma says:
"WTF? ARE YOU STILL USING THAT SMALL FRYING PAN?"

 

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Gordon
Can I politely ask are you in full time employment or are you retired with a lot of time on your hands?
Must admit though you keep me amused

 

Barsteward!!!

 

Ha Ha

 

I'm self-employed 'full time' so my work time varies depending on how much I can be bothered

Sometimes I get sick of finding rubbish to post on here, but it's like drugs . . . .

 

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My wife was looking at an evening dress in an expensive shop,
"It's beautiful, isn't it?" she said.
"Yes, " I replied, "I wonder if they have it in your shape. "