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Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

Discussion in 'Queens Park Rangers' started by kiwiqpr, Feb 23, 2012.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A multimillionaire goes to a psychologist.
    He lies on the couch and tells her,
    "I have a problem! I buy things ... literally anything! I buy, buy and buy everything I see regardless of whether I need them or not! Purchasing things gives me a rush! Do you know that only this morning, I purchased an entire mall?"
    "Mmmm ... !" Said the psychologist thoughtfully, "Sounds like you have a Shopping Complex!"
     
    #11701
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 17, 2021
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11702
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 18, 2021
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    BATTERY SIZES:

    Torch - D
    TV Remote - AAA
    Personal Stereo - AA
    Hearing Aids - A?
     
    #11703
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 18, 2021
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11704
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 18, 2021
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11705
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 18, 2021
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The CEO of IKEA was elected Prime Minister in Sweden.

    He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.
     
    #11706
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 18, 2021
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A woman passing by a pet shop sees a board,
    "Monkey, the wizard between the sheets".
    She went in, bought that monkey & walked away with the Instruction Manual.
    The Manual said "Give a good bath to the monkey,
    then you take a bath.
    Make him sit on the bed and
    you lie down without wearing anything.
    Leave the rest to the monkey.
    Repeat all steps for repeat performance".
    Accordingly, the woman gave the monkey a bath,
    bathed herself and slept on the bed naked.
    Monkey did nothing.
    Disappointed, she again gave him a bath,
    had bath and lied down naked on the bed.
    Again, the monkey did nothing.
    She referred to the Manual in trouble shooting, It said :
    In case of no activity, call the shop owner for support.
    She called the owner & he arrived in 30 mins.
    He asked the woman to lie down.
    He then looked at the monkey and shouted...
    "This is the last time I'm teaching you...!"
     
    #11707
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 18, 2021
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    So the Yorkshire man wanted "she were thine" on his wife's headstone, as they were both religious.

    The stone came back and read "she were thin" dismayed the Yorkshire man protests "you've forgotten the E".

    The mason says he will put it right. This time the stone comes back with "E she were thin".
     
    #11708
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 18, 2021
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11709
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 18, 2021
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11710
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 19, 2021
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11711
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 19, 2021
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  12. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    What do you get if you put a duck in a cement mixer? Quacks in the pavement
     
    #11712
    kiwiqpr, Jun 20, 2021
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  13. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #11713
    kiwiqpr, Jun 20, 2021
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  14. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    A few minutes ago, I came to the conclusion that tofu is overrated.
    It’s just a curd to me.
     
    #11714
    kiwiqpr, Jun 20, 2021
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  15. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Just spotted Sinead O'Connor bird-watching.
    I asked how she was getting on.
    She said, "so far it's been 7 owls and 15 jays"
     
    #11715
    kiwiqpr, Jun 20, 2021
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  16. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #11716
    kiwiqpr, Jun 20, 2021
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  17. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Well done
    @GarethSouthgate
    not sure I've ever watched an England game where the fans boo at the start, half time and full time
     
    #11717
    kiwiqpr, Jun 20, 2021
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  18. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    After my son’s team won the soccer game, the goalkeeper invited us to his house for a party.
    It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.
     
    #11718
    kiwiqpr, Jun 20, 2021
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  19. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    would have thought dancing sandwiches would have been enough
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    #11719
    kiwiqpr, Jun 21, 2021
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Subbuteo is making a comeback, it's far more realistic now.

    please log in to view this image
     
    #11720
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 21, 2021
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