This fellow was being sold a very cheap suit. “But the left arm is a lot longer than the right arm,” he complained. “That’s why the suit is such a bargain,” the salesman explained. “Just cock your left shoulder up a little, like this, and tuck this left lapel under your chin a bit, like this.” “But the right leg is way too short,” argued the customer. “No problem,” the salesman answered. “Just keep your right knee bent a little at all times, walk like this, and no one will notice. That’s why this suit is only thirty quid.” Finally, the fellow bought the suit, cocked his left shoulder into the air, tucked the suit’s left lapel under his chin, bent his right knee, and limped out of the store towards his car. Two doctors happened along and noticed him. “Good heavens,” the first doctor said to the second, “look at that poor crippled fellow.” “Yeah,” answered the second doctor. “But doesn’t that suit fit great?”
Two bored Las Vegas casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of dice. She says, "I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless." With that, she strips to the waist, rolls the dice, and yells, "Come on, Southern girl needs new clothes!" As the dice bounce and come to a stop, she jumps up and down and squeals, “Yes! Yes! I won! I won!" She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings, and her clothes, and quickly departs. The dealers stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asks, “What did she roll?" The other answers, "I don’t know, I thought you were watching."
Hi. Initially I just decided to take time out from an over dependence on the internet and effectively cut everything out as a way of “taking back control” of my life. Over the last 4 weeks, however, my focus has been solely on my wife, who has been in hospital with multiple issues - fractured pelvis, mild heart attack, pulmonary embolism and a serious chest infection on top of her lung cancer. It has been touch and go, with limited access to visit, owing to the ongoing risk from Covid, but I was allowed in for an hour on Wednesday. (Previous visits were only allowed because she was so unwell they thought she might not pull through, so called me in). Seeing her for the first time in 9 days, and seeing how much she had improved took a weight off, and weakened my resolve which is why I paid a brief visit to this forum to see what I had been missing. Still early days in her recovery and she needs to maintain the improvement with regards to her lungs and the infection. The fracture alone will keep her hospitalised for another 2 weeks or so, plus there could be additional time for rehab. And more good news is that I have booked another hour long visit (they have a side room they are now keeping free for visits) and I will see her again Saturday afternoon.
Great to hear from you Badge, but sorry life has been so difficult for you and especially your wife. Thoughts and prayers to both of you.
Thinking of you, Badge! Here’s hoping Mrs B recovers soon and you can relax with her. All the best, mate!
Lobster diver gets scooped up into a humpback whales mouth…….luckily he was spat out. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-57450685
An Italian man takes his son Luigi to by a new suit. The man said to the assistant I want to buy a nice suit for my son Luigi with the f**king big head and slaps Luigi around the head. I would also like to buy a nice shirt for my son luigi with the f**king big head and again slaps him around the head. I would also like to buy some nice shoes for my son Luigi with the f**king big head and again slaps him around the head. The assistant asks why do ask for items of clothing then slap your son around the head?. Well said the man My wife gave birth to eight beautiful children and still had a very tight fanny until Luigi came along with the f**king big head
Proudly showing off his new apartment to a friend late one night, the young man led the way to his bedroom, where there was a big brass gong. “What’s that big brass gong for?” asked the friend. “It’s not a gong. It’s a talking clock,” the young man replied. “A talking clock? How’s it work?” “Watch,” said the young man. He picked up a hammer, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back. Someone on the other side of the wall screamed, “Hey, you jerk! It’s three in the morning!”
If he was just incompetent , or stupid . I would get that , I wouldn’t like it in a big way , but I would get it . Trouble is he is a bare faced LIAR . I cannot abide liars . he is pure filth , end of , and it makes me sick he is the face of our country . It honestly does .
