To get rid of my obsession, I threw all my books away that I had collected about Dusty Springfield Now I just don't know what to do with my shelf.
I went into a hairdresser's in Newcastle the other day and said I'd like a perm. The barber said, 'I wandered lonely as a cloud'.
Eight hours into the annual Gillette strategy meeting... "F*ck it... Let's just stick another blade on it.
"My wife beamed at me with pride and said, “Wow! I never thought our son would go that far!“ "I said, “This catapult is amazing! Go get our daughter.”
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, Kin ya swallar?' The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?' The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I never seed nobody done it.
There's a new parental DNA test in Newcastle from Social Services. "Before we can assess your benifit claim, can you tell us who's the father of your child". "D'na."
