The new Indian strain of Coronavirus is more likely to result in a korma and can be passed more easily to your naan. Luckily there is a new vaccine, the punjab. This could have all been avoided if the UK government had stopped the infected cumin into the country.
An American Tourist walks into Westminster Abbey and is shocked to see a telephone with a sign that said ‘Phone Calls to Heaven £10’ Saw the same sign when he walked into St Giles Cathedral in Edinburgh. However, when he walked into Llandaff Cathedral he saw a sign that said ‘Phone Calls to Heaven 10p’ Intrigued, he went up to one of the Vergers and asked ‘Why is it 10p here in Llandaff whilst it is £10 in England and Scotland?’ ‘Ah’ replied the Verger ‘that’s because in Wales it’s a local call ......’
Has anybody lost 300 quid with a rubber band round it down the high street this morning? Your in luck. I've found your rubber band
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, Kin ya swallar?' The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?' The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I never seed nobody done it.
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Smithville wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, at the altar, amidst an explosion of fire, Satan appears! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate. Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sits calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit. Satan walks up to the man and says, "Hey, don't you know who I am?" The man says, "Yep, sure do." Satan says, "Well, aren't you afraid of me?" The man says, "Nope, sure ain't." Satan, perturbed, says, "And why aren't you afraid of me?" "Well, I've been married to your sister for 25 years, how bad could you be?"
