1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

What day of the week is it thread

Discussion in 'Wycombe' started by Guywanderer, Mar 15, 2020.

Page 95 of 230
  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,430
    Likes Received:
    263,414
    Keir Starmer walks into a bank: "Good morning could you please cash this cheque for me?”
    Cashier: "It would be my pleasure Sir, but could you please show me some identification?"
    Keir: "I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I'm Keir Starmer The Labour leader.”
    Cashier: "Yes, I know who you are Sir but with all the bank regulations, monitoring, impostors and forgers etc. I must insist on seeing some identification.”
    Keir: “Just ask any of the customers here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am!"
    Cashier: "I'm sorry Sir, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them.”
    Keir: "I'm urging you, please cash this cheque for me.”
    Cashier: "Look Sir this is what we can do. One day Colin Montgomery came into the bank without any ID. To prove he was Colin Montgomery he pulled out his putter and putted a ball along the floor and into a small cup. With that sort of skill we knew it was Colin Montgomery and we cashed his cheque. On another occasion, Andy Murray came in without any ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and lobbed a tennis ball straight into my teacup with such a spectacular shot that we all knew it was Andy Murray.”
    Kier starts to think and think and finally says, "To be honest, there is nothing that comes into my mind. In fact I can't think of a single thing that I'm any good at."
    Cashier: "Will it be large or small notes you require Mr Starmer?”
     
    #1881
    Wooperts_duck, May 9, 2021
    Guywanderer and Ron like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,430
    Likes Received:
    263,414
    I went on a first aid course this morning. They asked what would you do if your child swallowed your front door key? Climb in through the window wasn’t the correct answer apparently
     
    #1882
    Wooperts_duck, May 10, 2021
    Guywanderer likes this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,430
    Likes Received:
    263,414
    Someone stolen all the bus stop signs from our street...

    For fuc*s sake, where do these people get off?
     
    #1883
    Wooperts_duck, May 10, 2021
    Guywanderer and Ron like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,430
    Likes Received:
    263,414
    please log in to view this image
     
    #1884
    Wooperts_duck, May 10, 2021
    Guywanderer likes this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,430
    Likes Received:
    263,414
    please log in to view this image
     
    #1885
    Wooperts_duck, May 10, 2021
    Guywanderer likes this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,430
    Likes Received:
    263,414
    please log in to view this image
     
    #1886
    Wooperts_duck, May 10, 2021
    Guywanderer likes this.
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,430
    Likes Received:
    263,414
    please log in to view this image
     
    #1887
    Wooperts_duck, May 10, 2021
    Guywanderer and Ron like this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,430
    Likes Received:
    263,414
    please log in to view this image
     
    #1888
    Wooperts_duck, May 11, 2021
    Guywanderer likes this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,430
    Likes Received:
    263,414
    Man caught stealing hay has been refused bale
     
    #1889
    Wooperts_duck, May 11, 2021
    Guywanderer likes this.
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,430
    Likes Received:
    263,414
    please log in to view this image
     
    #1890
    Wooperts_duck, May 11, 2021
    Guywanderer likes this.

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,430
    Likes Received:
    263,414
    please log in to view this image
     
    #1891
    Wooperts_duck, May 11, 2021
    Guywanderer likes this.
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,430
    Likes Received:
    263,414
    please log in to view this image
     
    #1892
    Wooperts_duck, May 11, 2021
    Guywanderer likes this.
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,430
    Likes Received:
    263,414
    please log in to view this image
     
    #1893
    Wooperts_duck, May 12, 2021
    Guywanderer likes this.
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,430
    Likes Received:
    263,414
    please log in to view this image
     
    #1894
    Wooperts_duck, May 12, 2021
    Guywanderer likes this.
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,430
    Likes Received:
    263,414
    I`m really surprised that women's football has taken off so well.

    How do they find 11 women to wear the same outfit?
     
    #1895
    Wooperts_duck, May 12, 2021
    Guywanderer and Ron like this.
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,430
    Likes Received:
    263,414
    please log in to view this image
     
    #1896
    Wooperts_duck, May 12, 2021
    Guywanderer likes this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,430
    Likes Received:
    263,414
    "A Japanese man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 5000 yen and walked out with $72.
    The following week, he walked in with another 5000 yen, and was handed $66.
    He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week.
    The teller said, "Fluctuations."
    The Japanese man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, "Fluc you Amelicans, too!"
     
    #1897
    Wooperts_duck, May 12, 2021
    Ron and Guywanderer like this.
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,430
    Likes Received:
    263,414
    please log in to view this image
     
    #1898
    Wooperts_duck, May 12, 2021
    Guywanderer likes this.
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,430
    Likes Received:
    263,414
    please log in to view this image
     
    #1899
    Wooperts_duck, May 12, 2021
    Guywanderer likes this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,430
    Likes Received:
    263,414
    please log in to view this image
     
    #1900
    Wooperts_duck, May 12, 2021
    Guywanderer likes this.
Page 95 of 230

Share This Page