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Off Topic The dying Swan ~ Joke thread

Discussion in 'Cardiff City' started by DaiJones, Sep 18, 2018.

  1. DaiJones

    DaiJones Well-Known Member

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    184047282_316951583127851_184947847063375785_n.jpg
     
    #1061
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  2. clingo

    clingo Well-Known Member

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    #1062
    DaiJones likes this.
  3. DaiJones

    DaiJones Well-Known Member

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  4. irishbluebird

    irishbluebird Well-Known Member

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  5. DaiJones

    DaiJones Well-Known Member

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  6. DaiJones

    DaiJones Well-Known Member

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    175863568_4488219621191355_5984271548211144082_n.jpg

    A Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
    The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
    The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
    The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
    The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
    This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.
    The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
    The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
    The Bishop fainted.
    He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farm for $10.
    The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10
    This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
    The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
    The Bishop was buried the next day.
    The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life.
    So be yourself and enjoy life!
    Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and just cover your own !!!
    You'll be a lot happier and live longer!
     
    #1066
  7. ninian opinion

    ninian opinion Well-Known Member

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  8. DaiJones

    DaiJones Well-Known Member

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  9. clingo

    clingo Well-Known Member

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    #1069
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  10. DaiJones

    DaiJones Well-Known Member

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  11. DaiJones

    DaiJones Well-Known Member

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  12. DaiJones

    DaiJones Well-Known Member

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    I picked this up from Twitter, I thought it was funny.




    That's bang out of order.
    E1Q9baFWUAAFYDb.jpg
     
    #1072
  13. DaiJones

    DaiJones Well-Known Member

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  14. irishbluebird

    irishbluebird Well-Known Member

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  15. Saf

    Saf Not606 Godfather+NOT606 Poster of the year 2023

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    please log in to view this image
     
    #1075
  16. DaiJones

    DaiJones Well-Known Member

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    Should have gone to Specsavers.


    187218286_10219379721739275_2306061496920349009_n.jpg
     
    #1076
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  17. DaiJones

    DaiJones Well-Known Member

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    183321517_2912927852296319_8846384086696759318_n.jpg
     
    #1077
    clingo likes this.
  18. ninian opinion

    ninian opinion Well-Known Member

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  19. DaiJones

    DaiJones Well-Known Member

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  20. irishbluebird

    irishbluebird Well-Known Member

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    ☺️☺️A farmer stopped by the local mechanics' shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
    On the way home, he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens & a goose. However, struggling outside the store, he now had a problem--how to carry all his purchases home!
    While he was scratching his head, he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?"
    The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there, but I can't carry this lot."
    The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm, and carry the goose in your other hand?"
    "Why, thank you very much," he said, and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way, he said, "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time!"
    The little old lady looked him over cautiously and then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to protect me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"
    The farmer said, "Holy smokes, lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"
    The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens..."
     
    #1080
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