Funniest thing I've seen in ages! Newcastle United owner Mike Ashley files Premier League lawsuit - https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/57017152
Paddy O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" Paddy said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, Paddy!” Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of Paddy's drinking buddies. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "Paddy won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep.
As my grandad always said "when one door closes another one opens" Great bloke, terrible cabinet maker
I was in my garden this morning and the neighbour looked over the fence and said.. “What are you doing?” “I'm putting all my plants in alphabetical order...” She replied “Really? I don't know how you find the time..!” "Oh that's easy" I said, “Its right next to the sage.” ☺️
The fried bread under the eggs and replace it with the toast. If not that then it’s got to be the manky looking cup of tea