A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York and laid down on the back seat. The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab. The woman glared back at him and said, “What’s wrong with you, honey? Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?” The old Jewish driver answered, “Let me tell you sumsing, lady I vasn’t staring at you like you tink; det vould not be proper vair I come from.” The drunk woman giggled and responded, “Well, if you’re not staring at my boobs or ass, Sweetie, what are you doing then?” He paused a moment, then told her…”Vell, M’am, I am looking and I am looking, and I am tinking to myself, ‘Vair in DA hell is dis lady keeping de money to pay for dis ride?”
I was in my garden this morning and the neighbour looked over the fence and said.. “What are you doing?” “I'm putting all my plants in alphabetical order...” She replied “Really? I don't know how you find the time..!” "Oh that's easy" I said, “Its right next to the sage.”
My Grandad turns 92 tomorrow. At the age of 75 he started to walk 5 miles per day. We have no idea where he is now !
Went to a Cannibal wedding on Saturday. It was all going well.......until they decided to toast the Bride and Groom.
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. – They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch.