1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

  1. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,276
    Likes Received:
    27,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #18781
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  2. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,276
    Likes Received:
    27,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #18782
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York and laid down on the back seat.
    The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman.
    He made no attempt to start the cab.
    The woman glared back at him and said, “What’s wrong with you, honey? Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?”
    The old Jewish driver answered, “Let me tell you sumsing, lady I vasn’t staring at you like you tink; det vould not be proper vair I come from.”
    The drunk woman giggled and responded, “Well, if you’re not staring at my boobs or ass, Sweetie, what are you doing then?”
    He paused a moment, then told her…”Vell, M’am, I am looking and I am looking, and I am tinking to myself, ‘Vair in DA hell is dis lady keeping de money to pay for dis ride?”
     
    #18783
    antipodean exile likes this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    STONEHINGE

    please log in to view this image
     
    #18784
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    I was in my garden this morning and the neighbour looked over the fence and said.. “What are you doing?”
    “I'm putting all my plants in alphabetical order...”
    She replied “Really? I don't know how you find the time..!”
    "Oh that's easy" I said, “Its right next to the sage.”
     
    #18785
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    My Grandad turns 92 tomorrow. At the age of 75 he started to walk 5 miles per day.

    We have no idea where he is now !
     
    #18786
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    Went to a Cannibal wedding on Saturday.

    It was all going well.......until they decided to toast the Bride and Groom.
     
    #18787
    antipodean exile likes this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    please log in to view this image
     
    #18788
    antipodean exile likes this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    please log in to view this image
     
    #18789
    antipodean exile likes this.
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    please log in to view this image
     
    #18790
    antipodean exile likes this.

  11. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,276
    Likes Received:
    27,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #18791
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  12. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,276
    Likes Received:
    27,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #18792
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  13. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,276
    Likes Received:
    27,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #18793
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  14. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,276
    Likes Received:
    27,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #18794
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  15. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,276
    Likes Received:
    27,429
    • Q. What did the penis say to the condom?
    • A. Cover me, I’m going in
     
    #18795
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  16. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,276
    Likes Received:
    27,429
    • Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. – They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch.
     
    #18796
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    please log in to view this image
     
    #18797
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    please log in to view this image
     
    #18798
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    please log in to view this image
     
    #18799
    antipodean exile likes this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    please log in to view this image
     
    #18800
    antipodean exile likes this.

Share This Page