Jokes

Didn’t think you would give your own personal input

 

Another joke for us English.

 

Yes known about this for years. It was brought in as a bribe to gain votes but cannot remember which party was in power. Free tolls and free university for all but the English. Wee Jimmy and her magic money tree of indipendence must be a good one. I for one wish Scotland well whatever they choose to do. I say give them another vote and if that fails then one very year till it does. Sturgeons mantra is if it fails why it's the English fault. But if success then her and the SNP are brilliant.

 

You have to be a certain kind of person to go into politics being a liar/charlatan/blaggard is certainly a prerequisite as has been proven many times in the past by members of every party.... sleaze is endemic and in every countries rulers, nice work if you are that way inclined

 

Totally agree i vote for whoever suits me at the time. They have taught me to go with the wind.

 

*sound of hammer hitting nail directly on head

 

It always amazes me how many people are led by what they read in the gutter press instead of making their own minds up

 

Funniest thing I've heard all day.

 

We aim to please
Ps didn’t know my post had a sound track

 

thud...sound of mr starmer's knee !

 

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Not allowed sorry people.

 

Sadly, Tuppence, we either have to rely on the gutter press (which is all of it) or the biased media for our information, or you could ask your MP. Either way would you believe a word of anything you hear?

 

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The Park Ranger had been trying to catch a guy for illegal crayfish poaching, so he hid behind a bush and waited. Along came the guy and soon after he pulled a crayfish from the billabong.
The Ranger jumped out and said “Okay Billy I am arresting you for stealing crayfish“
Billy said “I didn't steal any crayfish, he's my pet and I bring him here for five minutes swimming lessons and I can prove it.”
“Okay “, said the Ranger “prove it.“
Billy put the crayfish back in the water and after five minutes the Ranger said “Okay, where is he? “
Billy said, “Where's who?”

 

I got chatting with a girl in a bar last night,
"Can I buy you a drink?" I asked.
"Don't you have a girlfriend?" she replied, "Guys like you always have girlfriends.
""No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago," I assured her.
"Oh I'm sorry to hear that," she said, "Go on then, I'll have a Cider please.
A few drinks later after a kiss and a cuddle we headed off back to her place and made passionate love.
While I was putting my clothes back on she said, "So, you're good looking, a nice guy and amazing in bed, can I ask why on earth you split with your girlfriend?"
I said, "My wife found out."

 

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Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, “You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, and I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!”

His buddy looks at him and says, “Well, you’re obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, slap my wife’s butt and ask, ‘Who’s horny?’ And she’s always sound asleep.”

 

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