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What day of the week is it thread

Discussion in 'Wycombe' started by Guywanderer, Mar 15, 2020.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1781
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 20, 2021
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1782
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 20, 2021
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1783
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 20, 2021
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Three old boys chatting in the care home and one says "I am really struggling at the moment, I go for days and days without taking a dump and when I do it is agony trying to push it out, it's making my life a nightmare" The second says "Well I am struggling to take a piss properly, sometimes I go without one for ages and when I do eventually manage to go I'm lucky if I get a dribble coming out" The third chap says "You two don't know a damn thing about struggles. At 6:00 every morning I take a massive dump and a piss that a racehorse would be proud of"

    "What's wrong with that?" they asked

    "I don't wake up until 7:30!"
     
    #1784
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 21, 2021
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A man returned from hospital looking worried.
    "What's the matter?" asked his wife.
    "The consultant said I have to take one of these tablets every day for the rest of my life," the husband replied.
    "That's not too bad," said the wife, trying to cheer him up.
    "It is," said the husband, "he only gave me seven."
     
    #1785
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 21, 2021
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1786
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 21, 2021
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1787
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 21, 2021
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1788
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 22, 2021
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  9. Wooperts_duck

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    #1789
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 22, 2021
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  10. Wooperts_duck

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    #1790
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 22, 2021
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  11. Wooperts_duck

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    #1791
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 22, 2021
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  12. Wooperts_duck

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    Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse. "I know that smart aleck Tex," said the first. "He's going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back."
    "Not Tex," the second cowboy replied. "He'll always be just a good ol' boy. When he walks in, I'm sure all he'll say is hello."
    "I know Tex better than either of you," said the third. "He's so smart, he'll figure out a way to do both. Here he comes now."
    Tex swung open the bunkhouse door and shouted, "Audi, partners!"
     
    #1792
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 22, 2021
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Went to see a mind reader last night.
    She said "Think of a card, any card"
    "OK"
    "Is it the four of clubs?"
    "No"
    "Ace of diamonds?"
    "No"
    "What is it then?"
    "Birthday"
     
    #1793
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 22, 2021
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The self-depreciation society is taking applications for new members...

    I've already put myself down!
     
    #1794
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 22, 2021
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  15. Wooperts_duck

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    We were so skint as kids, my mother used to buy my clothes from army and navy stores.

    I was the only Japanese general at school.
     
    #1795
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 23, 2021
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  16. Wooperts_duck

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    #1796
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 23, 2021
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  17. Wooperts_duck

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    I went into a bar in Spain & there was a huge bulls head on the wall.
    I said: "That must have been a big bull?"
    The barman said: "That bull killed my grandfather"
    I said: "Was he a bullfighter?"
    He said: "No. He was playing draughts over there and it fell on him!".
     
    #1797
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 25, 2021
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  18. Wooperts_duck

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    #1798
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 25, 2021
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  19. Ron

    Ron Well-Known Member
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    #1799
    Ron, Apr 25, 2021
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  20. Wooperts_duck

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    #1800
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 25, 2021
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