The word 'tsunami' is not in my phone's predictive text dictionary. So if you ever get a text from me saying, "Trumang!!!" get the F**K off the beach.
I went to the chemist today and said, "I've got a really bad headache. Can you make me something up?" He said, "Frank Sinatra was in here earlier."
'Don't do this to me Nan, I've told Meghan that we're inheriting Windsor Castle. Don't make me tell her it's not happening...'
NEWLY MARRIED RICH BUY A MANSION HOUSE IN lIVERPOOL DUE TO THE LOW CRIME RATE please log in to view this image
Many years ago during my married days, I accidentally overturned my golf cart. Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: "Are you okay? What's your name?" "It's John, and I'm okay, thanks," I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart. "John," she said, (firm loose breasts undulating beneath her white silky robe) "forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while and I'll help you get the cart up later." "That's mighty nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it." "Oh, come on now," Elizabeth insisted. She was so very pretty, very very sexy and very persuasive ... I was weak. "Well okay," I finally agreed but thought to myself, "my wife won't like it." After a couple of restorative Scotch and waters, I thanked Elizabeth. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset. So I'd best go now." "Don't be silly!" Elizabeth said with a smile, letting her robe fall open slightly. "She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?" "Still under the cart, I guess."