I see that a horse named Trump ran in the 4:40 at Aintree. It fell at the 3rd but still claiming victory.
I answered the door to the Avon lady dressed in high heels, suspenders and a basque. "Good afternoon sir. Is your wife in at the moment?" she said. "Take a wild guess love!" I replied.
If you've ever wondered what it'd be like to be married... Find a woman who doesn't want to have sex with you, and buy her a house!
My son said, "Dad, when was the first time you fell in love?" I said, "I was 18. I walked into a bar and saw the most gorgeous blonde I'd ever seen. Cupid fired his arrow the second I saw her." He said, "What happened?" I said, "The arrow missed and hit your f*cking mother!"
My wife and I were on the beach when she said "lets make love in the sea" "Ok" I said "As long as we don't go very deep because I cant swim" A little while later she giggled and said "Do you think anybody will know what we are doing" "Probably" I said ….as another wave broke over my ankles!!