I can't believe how much my glasses weigh. I got on the scales this morning and it said 13 stone, then I put my glasses on and it said 18.
A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist named Susan, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted the male part of the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said that something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist. So one of the ladies approached Susan very discreetly about the problem, and told her to mash up some green persimmons & rub them on her nipples and all over her breasts, which should cause them to shrink in size, but warned her not to taste any of the green persimmons because they are so sour that they would make her mouth pucker up and she wouldn't be able to talk properly for a while. The voluptuous organist reluctantly agreed to try it. The following Sunday morning the minister walked up to the pulpit and said, “Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hab a thermon tewday