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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

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  1. devonFRATTONiser

    devonFRATTONiser Well-Known Member
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    Joe wanted to buy a Harley motorcycle. He doesn't have much luck, until one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it......
    The bike looks better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It's shiny and in mint condition......
    He buys it and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years......
    'Well, it's quite simple,' says the seller, 'whenever the bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain, and he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.....
    That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents.
    Naturally, they take the bike there.....
    Just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family.....
    'When we eat dinner, we don't talk.
    In fact, the FIRST person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.....
    "No problem"... He says.. And in they go....
    Joe is shocked. Right in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes.....
    In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.....
    They sit down to dinner, and sure enough, no one says a word.....
    As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation.....
    He leans over and kisses Sandra.....
    No one says a word.....
    He reaches over and fondles her breasts. Nobody says a word.....
    So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table and screws her, right there in front of her parents......
    His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid and her mum horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.....
    He looks at her mum. She's got a great body too.....
    Joe grabs her mum, bends her over the table, pulls down her panties, and screws her every which way but loose
    right there on the dinner table.
    She has a big orgasm, and Joe sits down....
    His girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and Mum is beaming from ear to ear. But still.....Total silence.....
    All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.....
    Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.....
    Suddenly the father shouts.
    I'll do the dishes.....!!
     
    #18341
    devonFRATTONiser, Mar 28, 2021
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #18342
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 28, 2021
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I was in Oxford Street, London the other day when a tourist stopped me and asked the best way to Selfridges?

    I told him to put them on eBay!
     
    #18343
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 28, 2021
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #18344
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 28, 2021
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #18345
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 28, 2021
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  6. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #18346
    antipodean exile, Mar 29, 2021
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  7. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #18347
    antipodean exile, Mar 29, 2021
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  8. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #18348
    antipodean exile, Mar 29, 2021
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  9. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #18349
    antipodean exile, Mar 29, 2021
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  10. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #18350
    antipodean exile, Mar 29, 2021
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  11. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #18351
    antipodean exile, Mar 29, 2021
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  12. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #18352
    antipodean exile, Mar 29, 2021
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A fella loses a ear in a accident ...
    The surgeon says to him:
    "I'm sorry but we don't have any spare human skin to make a ear for you but we can do one made from pig skin."
    The fella says: "That will be fine I am happy to try it."
    He goes back a few months later and the surgeon asks him:
    "How is the new ear?"
    The fella says: "it's not bad apart from a bit of crackling."
     
    #18353
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 29, 2021
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  14. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #18354
    antipodean exile, Mar 30, 2021
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  15. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #18355
    antipodean exile, Mar 30, 2021
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  16. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #18356
    antipodean exile, Mar 30, 2021
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  17. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #18357
    antipodean exile, Mar 30, 2021
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  18. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #18358
    antipodean exile, Mar 30, 2021
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  19. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #18359
    antipodean exile, Mar 30, 2021
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  20. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    The triple jump world record is only a hop, skip and a jump away.
     
    #18360
    antipodean exile, Mar 30, 2021
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