Blokes working on the top floor of a 10 story building site, one takes a s**t out the window. s**t drops down, hits the foreman walking at the bottom of the building, He goes running up to the top floor. Where everybody on that floor denies doing it or see anything. Foreman looks out of the window, starts shouting, what's that on path 1m out at the bottom of the building, s**t What's that on the scaffolding pole 500mm out half way down the building, s**t What's that on the widow sill s**t So what does that tell me? One bloke replies, is it the building is out of plumb.
I was in my garden today and the neighbour looked over the fence and said.. “What are you doing?” “I'm putting all my plants in alphabetical order...” She replied “Really? I don't know how you find the time..!” Oh that's easy I said, “Its right next to the sage.”
A man rushes into a bar and orders a double brandy. While the barman is pouring, the man extends his hand at knee height and asks: “Do penguins grow this big?” “I should think so,” the barman replies. The man raises his hand. “How about this big?” “Well, perhaps a king penguin, but I’m not sure . . .” The man holds his hand at shoulder level: “This big?” “Not a cat in hell’s chance.” The man knocks back his drink in one. “Bollocks. I just ran over a nun.”
Just had two police officers come up to me outside Aldi. They asked me the following questions: "Are you familiar with the letters HB?" I said, "no i'm not" "How about LS?" "No" "What about JD?" I said, "hang on a minute, am I a suspect or something?" They said, "no, these are just initial enquiries.
