A teacher gives her kids an assignment. Use the word contagious in your everyday life and report back to me tomorrow. The next day all the kids are raising their hand. The teacher calls on little Susie. Little Susie, my little brother has the flue and if he sneezes on me I will get sick because he is contagious. Teacher, "very good Susie" Teacher calls on little Timmy. Little Timmy, when I was younger I had chicken pox and all other moms brought their kids over so I could give them chicken pox too because it was good that I was contagious. Teacher, "that's another good one". Little Johny is raising his hand and the teacher hesitates but reluctantly calls on him. Little Johny, " on our way here we saw a big fat lady painting her house with a tiny brush. My dad said it would take that **** ages".
The missus asked me last night if I could give her a Liverpool performance in bed. I said what’s that? She said ‘you stay on top a long time and come second’.
