Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

I’ve got a valentines poem that never fails to get me into a girls underwear....

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I’ve got a knife
Now get in the van

 

FUNNY THAT I HAD THE EXACT SAME PROBLEM MATE

 

Reminds me of my courting days ...

... the sight of chloroform or tie wraps still brings a tear to my eye

 

You cnut I nearly choked

 

please log in to view this image

 

please log in to view this image

 

I've put all my dogging equipment on eBay. I haven't even sold the whippets yet got but there are 22 people watching.

 

please log in to view this image

 

Sorry if already posted...

 

Liverdance.

 

please log in to view this image

 

please log in to view this image

 

A man walked into the ladies department and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, 'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.. '
'What type of bra?' asked the clerk.
'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?'
' Look around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.
'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from .'
Relieved, the man asked about the types.
The saleslady replied:
'There are the Catholic,
Salvation Army, Presbyterian,
and the Baptist types.
Which one would you prefer?'
Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded,
'It is all really quite simple.'
The Catholic type supports the masses;
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright;
The Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills....
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D,DD, E , F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?If you have wondered why,
but couldn't figure out
what the letters stood for,
it is about time you became informed!
{A} Almost Boobs.
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain.
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen
and I can't get up!

 

A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket.
The husband picks up a case of Carling and puts it in their cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.
"They're on sale, only $15 for 24 cans" he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife, they carry on shopping.
A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $30 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Carling and it's half the price."
The hospital hopes to bring him out of his coma soon

 

(1)Fine:This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2)Five Minutes:If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3)Nothing:This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4)Go Ahead:This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5)Loud Sigh:This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6)That's Okay:This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7)Thanks:A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'. that will bring on a 'whatever').
(8)Whatever:Is a woman's way of saying Go Ahead (see #4 above)

(9)Don't worry about it, I got it:Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

 

I always look forward to Pancake Tuesday, but they don't have it in France ...

... so I'm having a crepe day instead

 

Yep just had some, I had lemon and syrup on mine, the g'kids Nutella and strawberry sauce