Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

Now, where did I put that airgun ....

 

I tried to remarry my ex, but she sussed I was only after my own f*cking money!

 

To the woman in ASDA with the screaming kids.
If you're wondering how the condoms got into your trolley you're welcome

 

Just remember lads, driving to a petrol station at 17:00 on the 14th of February to buy flowers is deemed as essential travel.

 

Just been diagnosed as colour blind - little bit shocked as that was completely out of the blue

 

Its out of the purple mate....completely out of the Purple.

 

I saw someone waving at me the other day, but I wasn’t sure if they were waving at me or someone else so I ignored them.

In other news, I lost my job as a lifeguard.

 

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I don't even care if that's fake, it's brilliant.

 

I would never dream of eating yeast extract but my mar might.

 

WOW!!

 

Sorry.

 

Dave was excited about his new .338 rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He travelled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.
The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake. That bear was my cousin. I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex." After considering briefly, Dave decided to accept the latter alternative.
So the black bear had his way with Dave. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Dave soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.
The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Dave. That bear was my cousin and you've got two choices: Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex."
Again, Dave thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Dave. Although he survived, it took several months before Dave fully recovered.
Now Dave was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder.
He turned around to find giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear looked at him and said, "Admit it Dave, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?