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Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

Discussion in 'Sunderland' started by Smug in Boots, Jan 19, 2015.

  1. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    My gay dyslexic mate hasn't come out of the closet yet . . . . he's in Daniel !
     
    #8561
  2. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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  3. Oliver's Army

    Oliver's Army Well-Known Member

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  4. Vincemac

    Vincemac Well-Known Member

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    I've started a new exaggeration club. So far over 100 billion members....
     
    #8564
  5. Smug in Boots

    Smug in Boots Well-Known Member

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    16515648-0-image-a-22_1564100127180.jpg

    There are concerns that Russell Crowe's wife has vanished and he may have turned cannibal ...

    ... I never like her tbh, in fact I'm glad he ate her.
     
    #8565
    Nig, Gil T Azell and MrRAWhite like this.
  6. Montysoptician

    Montysoptician Well-Known Member

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    please log in to view this image
     
    #8566
  7. Montysoptician

    Montysoptician Well-Known Member

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    please log in to view this image
     
    #8567
  8. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

    One day her little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family".

    The moral of this story is:

    Always keep your condoms in your car.
     
    #8568
  9. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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    Premature Ejaculation.
    I remember going on a first date when I had to broach this subject.
    We had only been in the restaurant 10 minutes when I blurted out “ I have to explain something, I suffer from Premature Ejaculation” “That’s presumptuous” she replied, “I haven’t decided whether I was going to sleep with you. “
    “ I know it’s just I didn’t want you to think I had wet myself. “
     
    #8569
  10. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    <laugh><laugh><laugh><applause>:emoticon-0102-bigsm
     
    #8570
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  11. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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    Apologies in advance <laugh>.

    nicks.jpg
     
    #8571
  12. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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  13. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    But where did it say smash her back doors in
     
    #8573
    Gil T Azell likes this.
  14. Somebodys pinched my sombrero

    Somebodys pinched my sombrero Well-Known Member

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    I went birdwatching with Sinead O’Conner today.
    So far it’s been seven owls and fifteen jays.
     
    #8574
  15. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    To encourage me to eat when I was young my mam would put food on a spoon and say "here comes the train, here comes the train"

    It always worked because she wouldn't untie me from the track until I'd eaten it!
     
    #8575
  16. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    What are the Dalek's favourite trees ?

    YEW, WILLOW, BAY
     
    #8576
  17. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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  18. MrRAWhite

    MrRAWhite Well-Known Member

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    Well that explains why you are off the rails..
     
    #8578
  19. MrRAWhite

    MrRAWhite Well-Known Member

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    My Dad is still having sex at 82..
    Trouble is we live at 52....
     
    #8579
  20. Vincemac

    Vincemac Well-Known Member

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