1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

Discussion in 'Sunderland' started by Smug in Boots, Jan 19, 2015.

  1. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    58,377
    Likes Received:
    113,965
    A couple meet at a speed dating venue. The guy says, "how about we skip all the formalities and just get married". She replied, "but we dont know each other" "No problem" he says, "we'll get to know each other over time". She says "do you know what, I've got nothing to lose lets go for it" So they get married and jet off to the Caribbean for their honeymoon. On the first day they are lounging by the pool when the guy suddenly gets up, walks to the deep end of the pool and climbs to the very highest diving board. He dives off, performs a triple somersault and enters the water like a knife. "Wow"she says "that was some dive". "Yes" he says " I was an Olympic diver and have three gold medals. See, I told you we would get to know each other as we went along". With that she gets up, dives into the pool and does fifty lengths, returns to the sun lounger and not even breathing heavily. "Wow" he says, "were you an Olympic endurance swimmer". "No" she replied, "I was a prostitute in Newcastle but I worked both sides of the Tyne"
     
    #8321
  2. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    18,542
    Likes Received:
    42,627
    Anyone know a cure for sex addiction? I've tried f*cking everything
     
    #8322
  3. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    18,542
    Likes Received:
    42,627
  4. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    18,542
    Likes Received:
    42,627
  5. farnboromackem

    farnboromackem Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2011
    Messages:
    2,252
    Likes Received:
    3,605
    #8325
    Makemstine Roger and Gil T Azell like this.
  6. farnboromackem

    farnboromackem Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2011
    Messages:
    2,252
    Likes Received:
    3,605
    Brilliant <laugh> although the missus didn't think so when I showed her:emoticon-0105-wink:
     
    #8326
    Makemstine Roger and Gil T Azell like this.
  7. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    18,542
    Likes Received:
    42,627
    Feel free. We all do it mate.<laugh>
     
    #8327
  8. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    18,542
    Likes Received:
    42,627
  9. MrRAWhite

    MrRAWhite Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    26,980
    Likes Received:
    14,258
    I've been offered a job making plastic Draculas. There will only be two of us on the production line so I have to make every second count.
     
    #8329
  10. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    58,377
    Likes Received:
    113,965
    yep instead of giving try taking bet you haven't tried that on second thoughts,<confused>:emoticon-0105-wink:
     
    #8330
    Gil T Azell likes this.

  11. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    58,377
    Likes Received:
    113,965
    #8331
    Gil T Azell likes this.
  12. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    58,377
    Likes Received:
    113,965
    #8332
    Gil T Azell likes this.
  13. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    58,377
    Likes Received:
    113,965
    #8333
    Gil T Azell likes this.
  14. Nathan Brazil

    Nathan Brazil Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2015
    Messages:
    1,062
    Likes Received:
    1,696
  15. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    58,377
    Likes Received:
    113,965
    Old Tom and Elsie were in the cinema. Tom was fussing and fidgeting, Elsie asks "Whats wrong with you? Stop messing!
    Tom replies "I've dropped a caramel and I think its gone under the seat"
    "Well, leave it! It will be covered in dust and fluff"
    I would, but my dentures are stuck in it!"
     
    #8335
    Gil T Azell and farnboromackem like this.
  16. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    58,377
    Likes Received:
    113,965
    Ipswich new sponsors
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8336
    Gil T Azell likes this.
  17. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    58,377
    Likes Received:
    113,965
    A very pretty young speech therapist was getting nowhere with her stammerer's action group, with an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman. She had tried every technique in the book without the slightest success.
    Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she said "If any of you can tell me the name of the town where you were born, without stuttering, I will have wild and passionate sex with you until your muscles ache and your eyes water. So, who wants to go first?"
    The Englishman piped up. "B-b-b-b-b-b-b-irmingham", he said.
    "That's no use, George," said the speech therapist, "who's next?"
    The Scotsman raised his hand and blurted out "P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-aisley".
    “That's no better. There'll be no sex for you, I'm afraid, Hamish. How about you, Paddy?”
    The Irishman took a deep breath and eventually blurted out "London".
    “Brilliant, Paddy!” said the speech therapist and immediately set about living up to her promise.
    After 15 minutes of exceptionally steamy sex, the couple paused for breath and Paddy said.."-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-erry...".
     
    #8337
  18. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    58,377
    Likes Received:
    113,965
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8338
    Gil T Azell and farnboromackem like this.
  19. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    58,377
    Likes Received:
    113,965
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8339
  20. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    58,377
    Likes Received:
    113,965
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8340
    Sandy Camel, Saf and Gil T Azell like this.

Users Who Are Viewing This Thread (Users: 3, Guests: 0)

  1. Philftm
  2. Snaggey
  3. Whittylad

Share This Page