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Off Topic The Goodhand Arms

Discussion in 'Southampton' started by TheSecondStain, Jul 15, 2014.

  1. The 83rd Minute

    The 83rd Minute Well-Known Member

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    An attractive young woman had finished taking golf lessons from the club pro.
    She’d just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.
    The pain was so intense she decided to return to the clubhouse.
    Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, "Why are you back so early? What's wrong?"
    "I was stung by a bee," was her reply.
    "Where?" he asked.
    "Between the first and second hole."
    He nodded knowingly and said, "Then your stance is too wide."
     
    #48081
  2. thereisonlyoneno7

    thereisonlyoneno7 Well-Known Member

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  3. SaintMarv

    SaintMarv Well-Known Member

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    Whilst watching the quiz programme The Chase there was a question and one of the answers was the actor Steve Buscemi. I've got a lot of respect for the guy of films such as Resovoir Dogs and Armageddon after it was revealed that he used to be a fireman at station House 55 in Little Italy New York between 1980 and 1984 before becoming an actor. The day after a the 911 attack on New York Steve went back to his old fire house 55 and volunteered to look for trapped firemen working 12 hour shifts for a week. Respect to him and everyone else that volunteered.
     
    #48083
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2021
  4. saintrichie123

    saintrichie123 Well-Known Member

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  5. thereisonlyoneno7

    thereisonlyoneno7 Well-Known Member

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    A man walked into a bar.


    Lucky bastard.
     
    #48085
  6. SaintMarv

    SaintMarv Well-Known Member

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    He might not be so lucky if it was a metel bar
     
    #48086
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  7. The 83rd Minute

    The 83rd Minute Well-Known Member

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    Q ) What's the difference between a woman with PMT and a Rottweiler??

    A ) Lipstick
     
    #48087
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2021
    SaintMarv and thereisonlyoneno7 like this.
  8. SaintMarv

    SaintMarv Well-Known Member

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    Why does it take 3 women with PMT to change a light bulb?
    Because it f**king well does that's why
     
    #48088
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2021
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  9. StJabbo1

    StJabbo1 Well-Known Member

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    please log in to view this image
     
    #48089
  10. thereisonlyoneno7

    thereisonlyoneno7 Well-Known Member

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  11. saintrichie123

    saintrichie123 Well-Known Member

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  12. StJabbo1

    StJabbo1 Well-Known Member

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    William Shatner wanted to start up a line of women’s underwear
    Unfortunate, “Shatner Panties” wasn’t the greatest brand name.
     
    #48092
  13. San Tejón

    San Tejón Well-Known Member

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    A divorce lawyer representing a wealthy art collector called his client.
    "Andrew, I have some good news, and I have some bad news."
    The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day. Give me the good news first."
    The lawyer said, "Well, I met your wife today, and she informed me that she had just invested £5000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of £15 million to £20 million, and I think she could be right."
    Andrew replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
    The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary?
     
    #48093
  14. fatletiss

    fatletiss Well-Known Member

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  15. ChilcoSaint

    ChilcoSaint What a disgrace
    Forum Moderator

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    #48095
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  16. saintrichie123

    saintrichie123 Well-Known Member

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  17. San Tejón

    San Tejón Well-Known Member

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    Never seen this one on Catchphrase

    upload_2021-1-8_22-6-12.jpeg
     
    #48097
  18. StJabbo1

    StJabbo1 Well-Known Member

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    And it's only just begun!
     
    #48098
  19. saintrichie123

    saintrichie123 Well-Known Member

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    My neighbour banged on the wall at 4.20am, can you believe that??
    Lucky I was still up playing my music....

    He banged and shouted "can we have a little respect please"

    So I shouted back "I'm not a big Erasure fan, but ok this ones for you”
     
    #48099
  20. SaintMarv

    SaintMarv Well-Known Member

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    An old lady goes to the dentist sits on the chair and pulls her knickers down. The dentist says excuse me love I'm a dentist not a gynaecologist. The old lady replied I know I want you to take my husbands teeth out
     
    #48100

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