An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman go into a pub. They all suffer from a severe stutter. "What's it to be?" asks the stunningly beautiful landlady. "Th th th th th th three pi pi pi pi pi.................." says the Englishman. Up steps the Irishman. "Threeee p pints of of of of gui gui gui gui................." Then the Scotsman tries."Th th th thth th th th th th th th th th.................." "Oh bugger this!" says the beautiful landlady and walks away to serve someone else. She returns ten minutes later and asks if they are ready to order yet. "Th th th th th th three pi pi pi pi pi", stutters the Englishman. "Three pints of gui gui gui gui........." tries Paddy. And then Scotty starts "Th th th th th th th th th th th th th th ththth...........". "Look" says the beautiful landlady, who loves a bet, "If any one of you can answer a question without stuttering I'll let you shag me!" Quite confident that no one will win, she turns to the Englishman. "Where do you live?" "M M M M M M M Man Man Man Man Manch Manch Manch." "No. You lose." says the beautiful landlady. Turning to the Scotsman, she asks, "Where do you live Scotty?", trying not to laugh. "E E E E EEd Ed Ed Edin Edin Edin Edin Edin Edin Edinb." "Sorry, you lose." says the gorgeous woman. "And Paddy, where do you live?" she purrs at the Irishman. "London" blurts out the Irishman. "Oh. Bugger!" says the landlady. A great cheer goes up in the pub and the landlady reluctantly takes him by the hand and leads him upstairs. Once in the bedroom she strips down to her underwear, next she takes off her bra exposing a voluptous bosom. Finally she slides off her panties and lays on the bed. Paddy, with great concentration, climbs aboard and goes for glory, and then, just as he is about to climax, he suddenly screams out...... . . . . . . . . "............... D D D D D Derry !"
Have to shop with extra vigilance these days as supermarkets are scattering vegan food amongst the real stuff instead of putting it all in one place. I bought a vegetable curry recently which turned out to be vegan....managed to force half of it down by adding some chicken and bacon but had to dump the rest. Just had an anguished text from my friend announcing Xmas is ruined as her husband bought vegan mincemeat....she didn't discover it until she wondered why her usual lovely sweetmeats tasted weird. I demand proper food labelling....as the V sign is quite small (though strangely apt)....I suggest adding a skull and crossbones*....or put it altogether (which surely would help everyone). *Would suggest marking it as poison, but that could be confusing as I am sure you can't actually die from eating it. Can you? Soapbox put away
If you need cheering up Fran there is a Fonte video on the Saints Stuff thread I put on there just for you if you haven't seen it yet
You have expressed perfectly how I feel too. My Christmas Eve tradition of eating my bodyweight* in sausage rolls has been stillborn with the realisation that MrsW has purchased the dreaded V-word version :-o * May be an exaggeration
Just seen Mark Knopfler walking down the Road with a 19th century French masterpiece under his arm & in the other hand carrying a cage with 2 baby budgies. How much were they? I asked. He replied I got my Monet for nothing & Chicks for free.
Christmas Day on a Friday is so confusing...keep thinking today is Monday. No excuse next year....I got 6 (SIX) calendars for Christmas. Going to have to set aside time on the first day of the month just to turn the pages on my calendars. As if I haven't enough to do.
six calendars! Don’t suppose one is a Kylie one? I only ever ask for two things at Christmas: a chocolate orange and a Kylie Calendar. I have the chocolate orange, but for the first time in 25 years, not the latter. I am currently looking in the yellow pages* for a good solicitor * ask your parents, kids
Unfortunately, the young girl died last night. So sad and so senseless. https://www.wsbtv.com/news/local/7-...ing-buckhead-dies/WQ7RTY773FFABFMAZO43ONEBSM/
A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a whisky. When the bartender delivers the drink, the cowboy asks, "Where is everybody?" "They've gone to the hanging." "Hanging? Who are they hanging?" "Brown Paper Pete," "What kind of a name is that?" "Well, he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes." "What are they hanging him for?" "Rustling."
