A manager at B&Q had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes, he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job. The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, “What is the fastest thing you know of?” The first man replied, “A thought. It just pops into your head. There’s no warning.” “That’s very good!” replied the interviewer. “And, now you sir?” he asked the second man. “Hmm, let me see, a blink! It comes and goes and you don’t know that it ever happened. A blink is the fastest thing I know of.” “Excellent!” said the interviewer. “The blink of an eye, that’s a very popular cliché for speed.” He then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply. “Well, out at my dad’s ranch, you step out of the house, and on the wall there’s a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture, the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. Yep, turning on a light is the fastest thing I can think of.” The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. “It’s hard to beat the speed of light,” he said. Turning to Bob, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Old Bob replied, “After hearing the previous three answers, it’s obvious to me that the fastest thing known is Diarrhea.” “What!?” said the interviewer, stunned by the response. “Oh sure,” said Bob. “You see, the other day I wasn’t feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could think, blink, or turn on the light, I had already sh*t my pants.” Bob is now the new greeter at a B&Q near you!
A horse is in a pub having a few beers when he spots a donkey in the corner, so he goes over for a chat. The donkey asks, “What do you do for a living?” The horse says, “I run on the flats in the summer and do the jumps in the winter.” And the donkey says, “I work with the kids on the beach.” He then asks the horse “Did you win anything?” The horse replies “Yes, on the flats I won the Oaks, St Leger, and the Derby. And over the jumps, I won the Grand National and the Gold Cup.” They arrange to meet at the donkey’s house the following week and the donkey thinks “I really need to impress this guy…he's done everything.” So he goes out and buys a big picture of a Zebra and hangs it above his fireplace. The horse arrives and says, “Lovely place you have here, and who’s that in the picture on the wall?” The donkey replies “That’s me when I played for Juventus...”