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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9841
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 1, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9842
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 1, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9843
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 1, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Messrs Bing Crosby,Don Partridge, Mary Hopkin and Lee Hazelwood have asked me to join their group to sing carols this year.

    Its very exclusive, just Bing Don Mary Lee and I.
     
    #9844
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 2, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  5. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    Must always keep abreast of the traffic.
     
    #9845
    Didley Squat, Dec 2, 2020
    San Diego and Wooperts_duck like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9846
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 2, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9847
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 2, 2020
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    If there's one rule I've insisted on with the wife is that she's never allowed to look inside my safe but being a typical woman she couldn't obey a simple instruction and yesterday she came storming up to me and said "I've just seen inside your safe and you have got some explaining to do! There was £10,000 in cash and three eggs in there, what on earth have you been doing?!"

    I said "Well, I've got a confession to make. Since we've been married I've been unfaithful to you and each time I've slept with someone else I've put an egg in the safe"

    She thought for a while and to my surprise said "Well, I suppose after 30 years of marriage three eggs isn't so bad but where did you get the ten grand from?"

    I said "Well, when I get enough eggs I sell them down the farmers market for a pound a dozen"
     
    #9848
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 3, 2020
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I said to the Missus I've got a Problem.
    She replied "No Babe We have a Problem.
    We are a couple, we're a Unit"...
    Your problem is my problem.
    We are in this together
    "Over whelmed with relief,
    I said.... "Well it's hardly worth mentioning now"
    but She was insistent on knowing,
    "Darling please what is the problem??....."
    " WE'VE got your sister pregnant.
     
    #9849
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 3, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat and San Diego like this.
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9850
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 3, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat and San Diego like this.

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Jake went to the doctor and told him he was having a problem, as he was unable to get his manhood erect:
    The doctor checked him out then told him that the muscles around the base of the organ were damaged and there was nothing he could do for him. However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if he was willing to take the risk. The treatment consisted of planting muscle tissues from an elephant's trunk into his 'old fella'.
    Jake thought about it for a while. The thought of having to go through life without sex was too much for him to bear. So, with the assurance that there would be no cruelty to the elephant, the man decided to go for it.
    A few weeks after the operation, he was given the green light to go and try out his newly renovated equipment.
    As a result Jake planned a romantic evening with his wife Mary and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town. In the middle of dinner he felt a strong stirring in his loins that continued to the point of being extremely painful.
    To release the pressure he unzipped his fly and his knob sprang out, slid across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and returned to his trousers.
    Mary was stunned at first, but then with a sly grin on her face said. "That was incredible. Can you do that again?"
    With tears in his eyes he replied. "I think I can, but I am not sure if another bread roll will fit up my arse"
     
    #9851
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 3, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9852
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 3, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Gordon Armstrong and 1 other person like this.
  13. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2020-12-4_20-18-39.jpeg
     
    #9853
    Taffvalerowdy, Dec 4, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Wooperts_duck, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  14. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    Gunna buy me a see thru top to see if my tits look this good!
     
    #9854
    Didley Squat, Dec 5, 2020
    San Diego and Wooperts_duck like this.
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9855
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 5, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A horse is in a pub having a few beers when he spots a donkey in the corner, so he goes over for a chat.
    The donkey asks, “What do you do for a living?”
    The horse says, “I run on the flats in the summer and do the jumps in the winter.”
    And the donkey says, “I work with the kids on the beach.” He then asks the horse “Did you win anything?”
    The horse replies “Yes, on the flats I won the Oaks, St Leger, and the Derby. And over the jumps, I won the Grand National and the Gold Cup.”
    They arrange to meet at the donkey’s house the following week and the donkey thinks “I really need to impress this guy…he's done everything.” So he goes out and buys a big picture of a Zebra and hangs it above his fireplace.
    The horse arrives and says, “Lovely place you have here, and who’s that in the picture on the wall?”
    The donkey replies “That’s me when I played for Juventus...”
     
    #9856
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 5, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9857
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 5, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat and San Diego like this.
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9858
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 5, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9859
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 5, 2020
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  20. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    THIS 100%
     
    #9860
    Didley Squat, Dec 6, 2020
    Wooperts_duck and San Diego like this.
Page 493 of 748
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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