The (Sir) Alwaysright Gordon Road Stand Thread

I know brb is going to laugh ---- but I need to rant !
There I was watching the IPL ( cricket ), televised by Sky. This is a great 2o over, bash and crash slog event each year. Todays match had just entered the 2nd teams innings -- when -- without warning, transmission turns to the Women's T20 match v West Indies !!!!

I then turned to the TV guide - to see if the IPL had swapped channels ( as is often the case. ) -- NO ! ...... Instead, I was staggered to find that, not only had SKY simply stopped transmitting the IPL game - but - they had put the Women's game on TWO BLOODY CHANNELS !!! -- Why couldn't they have used one of them for the IPL ?................... can you imagine the outcry if they dared do that to any EPL game...

.... What do I think of SKY tv -- there is one F and one C in my two word description ( I don't necessarily mean ' Frustrating Channel.' ).....
.... what makes things worse is that the Women's game wasn't due to 'kick off' for another 30 minutes - by which time the IPL game was due to be completed !!!!!

 

It's not just Mr. Scally who is shortchanging me !......... this is NOT a gripe about ifollow prices compared with my season ticket cost --- YET !
After being skittled by SKY whilst watching the IPL....... I find that Tesco has joined this week's list of daylight robbers !

Mrs A and I went shopping today. We usually use the scan-as-you-shop facility at Tesco. This requires us to scan our Clubcard to release one of the scanners. This then has always allowed for their system to update our Clubcard account, and to automatically apply any promotional discounts ........ until now !

Tesco has very recently advertised 'special' discounts for Clubcard users - and some of the deals look quite attractive --- for example, we usually buy Tesco's finest ham - and this can vary in price. The price has, for a long time, been £ 2 for a pack of 4 or 5 slices.
Today, the ham was £ 3 a pack ( a 50% increase ) - but- Clubcard users' price was discounted to £ 1.90.
When we scanned the barcode, the price came up as £3..... but I presumed that the discount would be applied at the till ( as per normal ) - so - I didn't fret. and we carried on to complete our shopping --- packing it into bags as we went...
At the till, we didn't check the receipt - to check for the 'expected' discount on the ham..... and did not discover that NO discount had been applied - and we had, indeed , paid 50% more than last time !!

I decided to telephone Tesco - for clarification. Tesco tell me that - I will need to again scan my Clubcard at the till (( despite having done so when I obtained a scanner )), in order for these type of discounts to be applied. I queried ''why - when all other promotional deals are automatically applied, without a double scan of my Clubcard - at a time when I am busy trying to get out of the shop.''......... No logical answer was available --- like I keep saying -- Tesco,, '' very little help. ''........

...... oh well - at least I've got my ifollow code for Saturday -- I'm just going to get my calculator out - to see if the Season Ticket price v ifollow £10, is a bigger loss than the 50% hike in the price of my ham !

 

Here we go again.....
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-54294575

 

Are Sky trying to wind me up ?
You'll have seen my rant ( No 1841 ) regarding the TV schedule of the IPL game the other day --- well -- it's going to happen again today. The match I'm currently watching will be cut short, half way through the second team's innings.... the transmission will simply stop. Instead we'll get the chit-chat before the Womens T20 game starts (( when SKY could have continued the IPL transmission - to the games conclusion )) ........ and if that wasn't bad enough, Sky has, at the same time, on another channel, decided to show the qualifying session of the Russian Grand Prix (( ran yesterday !! )) - WHY - when there is a live competition that is eagerly awaited around the World ???

.... please don't tell me that today's IPL match is rerun at 9pm tonight --- I don't fancy watching until nearly 1 am....... I'll wait for the rerun tomorrow morning at 9.30 ------ I suppose you'll tell me that I shouldn't have bothered to start watching today's game until tomorrow -- but, then I would have to try to avoid reading the result beforehand, in the sports pages.https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0077jrd

 

I'm not surprised the mother swore at me !

Today, I was driving my car and approaching a T junction - looking to join the main road. A woman was waiting at the nearside pavement - with child in pushchair and older child, a boy about 5 years holding onto the pushchair..... Being the nice chap that I am, I stopped my car a couple of yards short of the junction to allow them to cross the road.

The woman was a bit clumsy as she went into the road. The child in the pushchair was 'jolted' off the kerb, causing the dummy in it's mouth, to be squirted out and dropped into a puddle..................

Judging by the expletives from the mother, you would have thought it was the end of the World. The mother had a right 'go' at the child - and couldn't see that it was her lack of 'passenger comfort', and poor handling of the pushchair that was the reason why the dummy was spilled.

I couldn't help myself - I wound down my window and said '' Your child may have dropped its' dummy - but it looks like you're the one who has thrown their toys out of the pram.''................... I won't tell you where the woman told me to go.

 

Mr. Jobsworth has swapped his Hi- Viz, for a suit........ but, he's still an arse !
Today, I did a favour for my neighbour - and took her to her bank (( which is the same as mine )), in the High Street. She needed to sort out a problem with her cheque book - and couldn't resolve it over the phone..... so - as I'm a nice chap, I obliged.

As we approached the front door of the bank, Mr.Jobsworth was standing there. His suit was neat and tidy - and he looked very smart - and almost had an air of 'proper ' authority (( until he opened his mouth !!!! ))
On the pavement, outside the bank, there was an advertising board (( only advertising - on the side visible to us - from our angle of approach. )) ---- you might be guessing where this is going.......

We approached the front door, and stood outside - next to the advertising board - and waited - politely - thinking that Mr. Jobsworth was in charge of the entry process (( and, I was to soon discover just how in charge he was !! )) Mr. Jobsworth didn't initially say anything to me or my neighbour..

A couple of seconds later, a much younger man approached the front doors of the bank -- from the opposite side of the advertising board. Mr. Jobsworth the spoke to this man - and invited him inside. At this point my neighbour pointed out that she (we), had arrived before the gentleman. At this point, Mr.Jobsworth said '' He was in front of you in the queue. My neighbour said ''No, we were here first.'' Mr. Jobsworth then said '' But he's in front of you in the queue - which starts here.'' -- he pointed to the other side of the advertising board. I then walked to that side - and, indeed, the notice, on (only that side ) asked customers to queue at that point. I pointed this fact to Mr. Jobsworth - who staggered me by saying '' The sign is quite clear - and I am only allowed to permit entry to people in the correct queue.'' I said '' It might help if that information was available on both sides of the board.''....... I wasn't finished with Mr.Jobsworth....


To atone for his stupidity, Mr. Jobsworth invited us inside the bank - and then asked my neighbour for her enquiry. She was happy for me to be present... It related to cheques being refused, by payees banks, - from a 'new' chequebook she has recently received -- but it transpired that the 'new' chequebook was one of two received within two days of each other. The bank had placed a 'stop' on the book that my neighbour had started to use - but had NOT bothered to inform their customer... My neighbour discussed the current procedures for the dispatch of new chequebooks..... Mr. Jobsworth told her that this process has not been 'automatically generated' by a computor - not for at least two years - ''customers have to order a new chequebook.''

I told Mr.Jobsworth that I too was a customer of his bank - and that only last week I had 'automatically' received my new chequebook, and that he hadn't been born when I last needed to order a new chequebook..... He gave a puzzled expression - but, for once, didn't open his mouth.

 

This is why I have Sky !
Yesterday was a 'chill-out' day in the alwaysright household. On Saturday, we visited family & watched the Gills game - where I saw a lot of excrement, ( not all of it from the officials. )
Yesterday, neither Mrs A, or I wanted to cook - so we ordered an Indian takeaway ........ which was quite apt - as we watched two IPL cricket matches - back-to-back...

,,, It was brilliant - Both games ended in a tie - with lots of fabulous entertainment, drama and 'proper' sportmanship. There were the odd reviews - but not one of the players harassed the umpire..... and the drama just didn't stop ! In the first game the Super Over went down to the last ball, before a winner emerged.
The second game was even better. The Super Over also ended in a tie - with 2 runs needed off the last ball, one of the batsmen was run out - millimetres from completing what would have been the second, and winning run - instead, only one run meant the game went to a Second Super Over.........
EVERY single player gave 100% commitment. Some of the fielding almost defied the laws of physics ! --I was loving every minute of the 8.5 hours --- I would gladly have paid three times my Sky subscription for absolute entertainment gold........ EXCEPT .......

...... for the 12 minutes of crap defending by the Spurs defence ( I made the mistake of having the game on mute on my laptop )----- I would have done better to have had no picture instead!

---- sadly, the IPL ends next month.

 

VAR was invented by Mrs. Hitler................ and she knows all the rules ! -- ...... some of them are just bananas !

On a Monday, I play Bowls with a group of friends (( and for the benefit of gioblues, I am by FAR the youngest member )) -- I see it as an extension of my boyhood game of marbles!

Before lockdown, the Club, where we play, used to provide snacks, that could be purchased with our mid-session refreshments... but since it reopened, these have not been available -- '' we don't want to buy in food that might be contaminated with Coronavirus '' ---that was the official reason !

Some of my friends then started to bring in a chocolate bar - or a homemade sandwich - or a banana -- to help with boosting energy levels. A couple of weeks ago, the Manageress of the centre told us to stop this practise ! When my team's leader pointed out that there were no snacks available to purchase, Mrs. Hitler gave the aforementioned reason - regarding 'cross-contamination.'

Last week, one of my 'group' ( who was absent when Mrs. Hitler laid down the Law, started to eat a banana during the mid-session interval... Mrs. Hitler (( who was on duty in her gun tower )), saw this, and immediately shouted '' You must stop eating the banana- you've been told that you can't bring in food. If you want to eat it, you'll have to go outside.''...... This was disgusting customer relations from the manageress ( even if she was technically correct.). My friend looked quite shocked. She protested that she had not known about the 'instruction' given to us the previous week. Mrs. Hitler said '' Your friends should have told you.''

I'm not sure if I improved the tension - when I tried to help Mrs. Hitler to implement the Rules.....................

Following the outburst from Mrs. Hitler, I then spoke to my friend, ( in a loud voice .) I said '' If you take the banana outside to eat, you'll have to change your shoes (( special footwear must be worn on the Rink )), and you can't eat the banana in the car park - because that's still part of these premises - you'll have to go on the road.''

Mrs. Hitler gave me a look that told me exactly where she'd like to put the banana !

 

I tried to send Mrs. Hitler 'bananas' !

Following on from last week's Bowls nonsense, things didn't improve this week!........ Since the Club reopened, the green fees have been increased - and - the session cut by 30 minutes.... Mrs. Hitler told us that this was to allow time for sanitising and social-distancing from the start of the next session...... (( and gave no apology for the decreased 'value-for-money' )).

When it came to our mid-session break - my group went and sat in the seating area - just off the Rinks. None of us purchased any drinks. We decided it as a 'protest' about the appalling manner from Mrs. Hitler against our member the previous week.

Mrs.Hitler obviously noticed that we had not obtained anything from the bar - and commented that it was strange behaviour....... Now - you all know me -- I couldn't help myself - I saw a perfect opportunity to wind-up Mrs. Hitler....I said to her '' I've got a bunch of bananas for all of us - we're going outside to eat them. ''

.......... I could almost feel the pain of Mrs. Hitler when some of my friends laughed............

Mrs.Hitler didn't see the funny side of my comment. She told us ''If you're not having a drink, you'll have to put your masks on if you want to sit there - or you can go outside and eat as many bananas as you like - providing you change your shoes..'' ... Meeow !

 

Mrs. Hitler's first name is not 'Surely.' !

I have told you how my Bowls sessions have been cut short by 30 minutes - and the fees increased -

Relations with the Manageress ( Mrs. Hitler ) have not improved. At the end of this week's session, I think she had been 'festering' - ever since ''Banangate'' !

A full 20 minutes from the end of the session, Hrs. Hitler came onto the Rinks, to my group, and told us to stop playing. She told us that we had started our game 5 minutes ahead of schedule, and by now had used up our allotted time !! and she wasn't joking ! This was truly incredible. Our team leader told Mrs. Hitler that since reopening after Lockdown, our sessions have rarely started on time - due to all the Club's Covid19 protocols, and that she wasn't being fair. Mrs. Hitler said '' I don't make the rules.''
as you know - I can never 'hold back' ......................

........ I told Mrs. Hitler '' In that case, even if we started 5 minutes ahead of schedule, we still have 15 minutes of our time available - the session ends at the top of the hour - not quarter to, as it is.'' Mrs. Hitler then shocked us all by sating '' The sessions have been cut short by 15 minutes to allow for the staff to sanitise everything before the start of the next session.''
I said '' Surely, that's why the sessions were originally reduced by 30 minutes ---- what are you doing in that time ?''. ....

..... Mrs. Hitler said '' Don't call me Surely.''

 

Sadder than Gills ----- and I was the one who nearly collapsed.......... in laughter !

Yesterday, Mrs Alwaysright and I went to the supermarket -- nothing exciting there !
At the end of our trip, we loaded up the car. I then went to return the trolley to the 'trolley park' - just a few yards away. I then noticed a couple of people 'crouched' down - almost on the ground. It looked just as if they might have been tending somebody who might have 'collapsed.' I wasn't able to see anyone on the ground, in front of them - because they had several bags full of shopping beside them.

Among my many talents, I am a trained First Aider. I told Mrs. A that I was going to see if I could help... As I drew up to this couple, I couldn't see anyone else ( i.e. a potential casualty. ) --- What I did see was that the couple were frantically scraping away at several scratch cards, resting on their bags of shopping - totally oblivious of other people around them ( they were slightly obstructing the trolley park. )

As I couldn't help myself - I began to laugh at the pathetic sight in front of me . I even said '' How sad ! '' The couple must have heard this remark. They paused from scraping their cards - for at least a nanosecond. They looked in my direction - then resumed their sad lives. The couple couldn't even wait to get home to reveal their scratch cards - They couldn't even wait to load their car with their shopping. .......

....... and there I was thinking that I am sad - for watching Gills.

 

And wanchor of the week is...........................

Today, I visited one of my sons. His house has an external 'front' door, and an internal porch front door. Both of them were closed.....My son's car was in his garage - and it wasn't 'obvious' that anyone was at home.

A few minutes after my arrival, we were aware of somebody at the front door - not that they rang the bell, or used the door knocker. My son went to the front door - but nobody was there. He saw that somebody had opened both the front doors - and dumped a parcel inside his hallway - - and left -- without closing the doors !!

My son wasn't impressed. He went down his driveway - to the front path. He saw a chap about to get into a van. He shouted at him - and asked if he had just 'delivered' a parcel. The guy said '''Yes.'' My son said to the guy '' You don't just walk into someone's house - and you don't just dump my parcel - and you don't just leave the front doors open........ unless you actually want to be called a wanchor. ''............. I couldn't have put it better.

 

'' Father Christmas'' ------ ''I'm sorry, I can't accept that answer, he did not win the FA Cup in 1987 - you're obviously cheating , I shall record a Pass against your score!''

I have said, on several occasions that I hate cheating........
Tonight, after the FA Cup draw on BBC2, I watched Mastermind....... and I am not impressed at the way the contestants cheat ! -- '' How ?'' I hear you ask...

In the General Knowledge round, there is a tendency for contestants to give any old rubbish - as an answer -instead of saying '' Pass.'' - just so that they are not 'penalised' by their number of passes, if the contest should end in a tie...

.... I know that nobody else will be annoyed by the 'gamesmanship' - and you'll tell me that it's not against the rules--- and -- that ALL the other contestants have the same option ----

--- and, as far as I am concerned - that would mean that they would ALL be cheating !! I keep telling people that two wrongs don't make one 'right' --- they make TWO wrongs !

 

And another thing that annoys me --- and, yes - it also concerns cheating.

In the Gills games I have seen this season - when the ball goes out for a throw-in, the Officials refuse both teams to use one 0f the 'multi-balls' available on their perches. Players are forced to retrieve the the original ball (( unless it's gone into Row Z )). This ball may well be 'miles' away, compared with a ball sitting on its' Tee - just a few inches from the action.

What is the point of the multi-balls, if they are not to be used -- to keep up the flow of the game ?.... If the multi-ball system was used, it would prevent an awful lot of time wasting...... of which, the goalkeepers are the worst offenders -- How many times have you seen a keeper deliberately going to retrieve a ball - which has travelled to a corner flag -- then crawl back to the OPPOSITE side of the 6 yard box, to take a goalkick - when- all the time, there was a multi-ball inches away from him - on a tee beside the goalpost.... it's cheating --- and the referee rarely does anything to stop it.

 

Refs have been stopping the multi ball system from being used, I think it's because teams will use it as an advantage when on the attack. Hence the opposition respond likewise, and I can't see refs wanting to open a can of worms, allowing it for some situations and not others.

 

Idiot of the week................. I might have to start a new 'poll.'
Who do you think deserves the accolade from the choices below ---- you can add your own suggestions.

1. Walsh ------- I thought ALL goalkeepers knew about the backpass rule.
2. Freddie Sears -- you know - the clown who caused the Bonham injury incident by his foul ------- then - this clown had the audacity to try to score from the resultant free kick when play resumed, after Walsh's cock-up ......... not good sportsmanship ( as well as crap shooting.)
3. The ballboy at Portman Road..... at least he made me smile.... He went to retrieve a ball that went off, into the stands. It only went a few rows back - and got wedged at the top of the seats ( clearly visible ) ... The chap actually walked past the ball - then went to search under the seats... Mr.Magoo eventually found it.
4. Medway Maritime Hospital!!......... when was the last time that anyone actually got seen at the exact time of an appointment ? You always have to wait for ages....
My mother received a letter from MMH to 'cancel' an appointment for 3.30pm on 2nd November.
In the same post, she received a letter from MMH to confirm her appointment on 2nd November........ at 3.40pm !! A whole 10 minutes later than the original -- I reckon it took longer than 10 minutes to have both letters typed, signed and posted !.... Absolutely pointless.

 

A Winter of discontent ?......... I really should have put this in the previous post ( idiot of the week ).

I have knocked on my neighbour's door - to 'check' on her, as I hadn't seen her since I took her shopping last week........ You may remember that I have had huge amounts of grief from her over several years...... So why do I keep going back for more ? Well, I can't help myself. I am just somebody who wants to help !

When my neighbour opened her door, she had a look of 'Thunder!.' She told me that she wasn't happy with me. She told me to look at the borders in her front garden. These had become full of tiny weeds -- well - we have had a lot of rain and sunshine lately. My neighbour asked me '' Why has that woman you're shagging done that to me? ''..... She was actually being serious --- and she wasn't talking about Mrs. Alwaysright.... My neighbour continued '' You've taken the girl who comes to do my hair - you've taken her to your place and had sex.... I know, because she told me. You can have your sex - but why did she have to put all those weeds in my garden? ''

I tried hard not to laugh. I didn't want to upset / antagonise her - any more than the current state of her delusional mind. I protested my innocence - but said that, even if I was conducting extra-marital activity, neither I, nor anyone I know would dream of upsetting her - and that the weeds are a recurrence of an 'Act of Nature.''

My neighbour asked '' So, why hasn't the garden next door (( other side )), got any weeds ? I said ''It has - It's got exactly the same weeds as your garden. You can't do much to avoid them. They come - you dig them up - they go for a while - then the rain and sun make them return - that's Nature.'' My neighbour said '' No, it's not.'' ..... I then decided to retreat as politely , and diplomatically as possible....................

..... I suppose you'll nominate me as idiot of the week - for continuing to 'care' for my neighbour !!

 

I feel sorry for Walsh, obviously school boy error from nerves or adrenaline at getting his opportunity. Bit unsporting of Ipswich, BUT, they are paid to take their opportunities and as they are desperate to seek promotion (we are use to it down here), they can't afford not to take that advantage.

I had similar with a hospital, as per your mum, it's clearly more infectious than covid, the do I, don't I guessing game.

 

Here's another one for idiot of the week

Scotland's First Minister, Nicola Sturgeon has just announced that, next week, pubs in Scotland can reopen --- ''Yippee'' ( or whatever is the Scottish equivalent ) - Hold on a minute Jock ...... They will have to close at 6pm -- and--- they can't sell alcohol !!!! --- only food any nonalcoholic drinks! ........ What's the point ? How will those restrictions help prevent the rise in Covid infection rates ?...............

........ Sorry- all you Jocks and Jockesses - you'll have to console yourself with the fact that you'll still be able to order a deep-fried Mars bar (( Scottish Coronavirus will be spelt c-h-o-l-e-s-t- e-r-o-l ))

 

This idiot is the winner - and not just for one week.............. bear with me -- it is worth the read !

At the start of the week, one of my showers stopped working properly. It's been great for many years - so I suspected that I'd need a new one... Luckily, I have more than one bathroom etc - so my household didn't need to stink.

I contacted a plumber - on the recommendation of a (soon to be ex ) friend ! The chap came along. He told me the 'worst ' news - that a new unit will be required. I discussed what model I should get. He told me to get an 'updated' version of my existing Triton power shower. He told me that he used to be an engineer for Triton - so - '' It will be easy for me. ''......... I duly got the new unit and called the plumber - yesterday - for him to install.

The first seed of doubt - in the ability of the plumber, was when he complained that the box - containing the shower, didn't have any separate notes with installation instructions -- although there were a few diagrams on the subject actually printed on the box.... The chap seemed to faff around for longer than I expected - but -- eventually told me the job was done... He turned on the shower - and showed me water coming out -- and- without closer examination, it appeared to be good.... I parted with money - and with plumber.

Later, last night. I decided to use the shower - but wasn't impressed that the flow dial did nothing to increase - or decrease, what was a fairly weak flow. ( this wasn't evident when the plumber 'proudly' showed me the shower after installation ) - he had the shower head off its' perch - so the slow flow wasn't obvious.

This morning, I again tried to use the shower - with the same result..... I then decided to telephone Triton customer services for advice. They said that it sounds like the switch which operates the 'power' aspect of the unit, had not been activated. Triton sent me an email with a download of installation instructions - and diagrams - which clearly showed the relevant on / off positions. Triton also gave me a link to a 3 minute Youtube video - showing how to install a Triton shower.

I called my plumber - and appraised him of my 'problem.' I explained what I had done, and what Triton had told me about the on/off switch inside the unit......... His reply was mind-boggling - when you consider that ;
1. He's supposed to be a professional plumber.
2. That he used to be an engineer for Triton.
3. Triton told me that ALL their power showers have the same on/off switch....

The plumber 's excuse was '' How am I supposed to know. ?'' I was lost for words....... I had serious doubt about asking him to return - but I did - and showed him the video on Youtube......... and a few minutes later --- my power shower now works -- properly !