Jokes

"You haven't listened to a word I've said, have you?"
Always seems like a strange way for my wife to start a conversation with me.

 

Sounds familiar. My wife goes into the bedroom, puts her head in a cupboard and speaks to me. I'm in the lounge room with the radio on. She says I'm deaf.

 

**** forgot to add the punchlines it was about the twin bags on the harley in the background and how they put the clocks back at stonehenge.

 

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About 300 years ago the Welsh developed the condom by using the lower end of a sheep's gut. The English refined this somewhat by first removing the gut from the sheep.

 

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and the scottish refined how to reuse it by washing a million times and repairing with a bicycle puncture repair kit


then selling it on to the Irish for twice the price after use

 

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I thought my wife was joking when she said she wanted to go to a Monkees’ concert in Switzerland.
Then I saw her face, now I’m in Geneva

 

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finger Dicking good

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“It snowed last night...
8:00 am: I made a snowman.
8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.
8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.
8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.
8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.
8:22 - The transgender man..women...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.
8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up .
8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.
8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.
8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
8:45 - TV news crew from BBC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.
9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.
9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.
By noon it all melted

Moral:
There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become, all because of snowflakes.”

 

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