There once was a Countess of Bray Who you might find it strange when I say That despite her high station And posh education She often spelled c*nt with a K Go for it!
There once was a closet Mackem. Who would say of Sunderland “fack ‘em He would swear he was black & white. But on his seat he would ****e While saying of the St James toilets “I cant hack em”
Brucey and co haven't had a clean sheet since day dot, An attacking idea between them? I think you'd find not. Smash it up front, playing hoof-ball all day. At least we're not Sunderland, is all I can say. Poems are for bum pirates, so that's your lot.
Twelve plus one hundred and forty-four Added to twenty and three square roots of four When divided by seven Added to five times eleven Equals nine squared and nothing more
A dozen, a gross and a score Plus three times the square root of four Divided by seven Plus five times eleven Is nine squared and not a bit more
I knew it was something like that but couldn't remember it exactly and couldn't be bothered enough to Google it. Good one though.
There once was a man from Leeds who swallowed a packet of seeds in less than an hour his cock was a flower and his balls were a mass of weeds oldie but goodie in my opinion
There was a mackem lass called Alice Who used a dynamite stick as a phallis They found her vagina in North Carolina And her arsehole in Crystal Palace
There once was a fat lad named Ben, Who played for us at number 10, He had plenty of skill, but a questionable will. And now he's even been let go by Rennes
Jack and Jill went up the hill So Jack could lick Jill's fanny But Jack got a shock And a mouth full of cock cause jill was a ****ing tranny
There was a young fella called Dave, who found a dead whore in a cave. " I know it's disgusting, she only only needs dusting but think of the money I'll save "
I have remembered this one since the age of twelve. Written by Spike Milligan. There once was a woman from Bude, Who went for a swim in a lake, A man in a punt, Stuck a pole in her ear, And said: "You can't swim here, it's private!"
There once was a poster named Ben, Who used to **** over our number ten, What he doesn't want to hear, Though it's true, I fear, He's still as deluded now as he was back then!