They decided it was time to take their Mum to the nursing home, and the woman has a problem with one rule in particular. One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems okay but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again, she seems alright – but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later, the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. “So, Ma’, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?” they ask. “It’s pretty nice,” she replies. “Except they won’t let you fart.”
It is with great sadness that I’m going to have to close my fishmonger shop after 50 years. The whiting is on the wall.....
An Irishman applying for a blacksmiths job was asked if he had any experience shoeing horses? He said "No, but i once told a donkey to f*ck off"
A guy goes to the doctor and says: 'Doctor, I'm getting married next week, but I have had unprotected sex a couple of times lately. Before our marriage, I'd like to know if I have an STD; could you do a test for me?' 'Sure', the doctor says, 'but the result of such a test takes 3 weeks, so it will not be in time for your marriage' 'Oh dear', the guy says, 'What should I do?' 'Well, the doctor replies, 'Perhaps I know something. You go to the meadows just outside the city, and wait till the sheep have gathered around you. Then you drop your pants and wait to see what happens... If the sheep just smell your dick and walk away, there is a problem. However, if they take your dick in their mouths and start sucking it, you're OK!' After a few weeks the doctor runs into the guy. 'And...', he asks, 'can I congratulate you on your marriage?' 'No', the guy says, 'I've become a shepherd!'
