Off Topic OT: Getting paid for...(**** thread)

I echo that sentiment.

 

In the unisex toilet in a Caffe Nero today

I'd just enjoyed a nice mocha frappe so technically I was paying them but I've used enough coffee chain bogs in the past and walked out without buying anything so they were due some from me

Anyway on with the story

I've got my jeans round my ankles ready to let the torpedoes loose, not touching the seat mind, hovering over it to not contaminate the buttocks with public bog germinology

The door handle/lock combo thing starts rattling. I've locked it so I think 'Oh they've not noticed, they'll stop in a sec'

But no, it keeps rattling and again and again, until this ******ed but persistent girl manages to jimmy it open somehow from the outside

Foreseeing what's coming I've got a firm grip on the disabled bar on the inside of it anyway, so she's not opening it

I whip the jeans up quick after a mid-way wipe and let her pull the door open to a slight crack. I meet her eyes through the crack and ask her 'Want to come in?'

She'd disappeared by the time I'd done and left the premises. Maybe she soiled herself?

 

You are lucky you are not already on the sex offender register.

How dare you lock the bog door in the unisex toilet and expect a woman to not realise a locked door means someone is in there.

You vile vile masoginistic pig.

 

Seriously though, couldn't believe this girl. Like you've never see a red lock before with 'occupied' written across the top of it ... total moron, should've just sat there making as much gas noise as possible with a grin on my face and let her walk in

 

When I went to go take my citizenship test years ago now I went to the bog. As I was pooping I heard a couple of people outside my stall speaking Spanish... Anyhow during my defecation they went quiet for a while and I let out a nice toot.

The two guys outside my stall started laughing ridiculously hard. It's as if they'd never heard someone fart whilst pooping before. As I was wiping I could still here them laughing down the hallway really really loud.

When I got back in the waiting room I scanned the room to try and guess who it was I had entertained so much. Half the room was Latino and there were probably 40 people there so I couldn't figure it out.

It still makes me laugh years later... Just how much something so simple made a couple of guys laugh. Do people not fart in Latin America?

 

Yes they do, but it was the fact you played Rule Britannia in farts which made them laugh.

I recommend you watch Le Petomane starring Leonard Rossiter

 

Is that the story of the French artist who did performances by farting sound effects? I've seen it many years ago... Good film.

 

That's the feller

 

Just found this ......last post over 2 years ago.............felt it should be resurrected

 

Haven't we got enough **** threads?

 

Not as **** as this one

 

Be about the time I "changed"

 

I just got paid to poop again!

Don't like pooping at work though ever since I got a bidet seat at home years ago.

It just feels kinda peasantish to poop and then not have water to shoot up and clean my bum hole afterwards.

I might ask work if they can install one for me... I wonder how I can put in an anonymous work order...

 

You changed into an organism that doesn't poop anymore?


Some butterflies can't poop.

Also scorpions, some species if attacked by a predator will drop their stinger as a decoy and they also lose their butthole when they do that... Without the ability to poop, waste builds up and they eventually die... But they may live long enough to breed before dying, so it works out for them.

 

does it still count as being paid to if working from home nowadays? I guess it’s still on company time but having to use own toilet paper knocks a bit of the profit off the top

 

I have a bidet toilet seat attachment at home. Almost no paper needed and since water is pumped from well, not paying for water... Just the electricity to pump and one square to dry... Not much cost at home to poop.

 

We have a closomat toilet that acts as a normal bog but also washes then blow dries yer arse!

 

Now that's fancy. I need a toilet that will blow me.

 

massive error on your part. you are very very lucky you didn't get heard by anyone else saying want to come in or you'd have gone to jail.

just shout occupied.

 

Just stand outside for a bit.