Jokes

Dyslexic skier asks a bloke if he should go down the mountain zig zag zig zag or zag zig zag zig , the bloke said "sorry i don't know, I'm a tobogganist" oh good said the skier, "I'll have 20 Benson and Hedges.

 

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Brit's, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times: "American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 100 years earlier than the British".

One week later, the Irish Department of Agriculture reported the following:
"After digging as deep as 30 feet near Ballyhaunis, Co Mayo, Mick O’Connor, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely **** all.....

Mick has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Ireland had already gone wireless."

Proud to be Irish!

 

The one with the mask.

 

A British Navy Destroyer stops four Muslims in a row boat, rowing towards Brighton ."The captain gets on the loud hailer and shouts, "Ahoy, small craft, where are you heading?" One of the Muslims stands up and shouts, "We are invading England !"
The crew of the Destroyer all start laughing and when the captain finally stops laughing, he gets back on the loud hailer and says, "Just the four of you?"
The Muslim stands up again and shouts, "No, we're the last four. The other 6 million are already there!"

 

please log in to view this image

 

The Parking Ticket

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day, my wife and I went into town and visited a shop.
When we came out, there was a Policeman writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said "Come on, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.

I called him an asshole. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tyres.

So Hazel called him a **** head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windscreen with
the first.

Then he started writing more tickets.

This went on for about 20 minutes.

The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home. We weren't too
concerned about the vehicle's owner because of the "Manchester United" sticker
on the back window.

We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.

 

please log in to view this image

 

Some good news at last priorities now in order, what’s next

 

With a giraffe neck like that, I bet she can head the ball better than Bamford.

 

please log in to view this image