Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

After Trump muttered something about Mount Rushmore, the sculpturers got to work

 

Good un.

 

Will do mate

 

Putin on the Ritz . . .

 

Arsenal have put Mezit Ozil up for sale . . .

 

The Parking Ticket

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and visited a shop.
When we came out, there was a Policeman writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and I said "Come on, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.
I called him an arsehole. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tyres.
So Hazel called him a **** head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windscreen with
the first.
Then he started writing more tickets.
This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.
We weren't too concerned about the vehicle's owner because of the "newcastle united" sticker
on the back window.
We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age

 

I had a vasectomy last week and it hasn't affected my performance.

I can still last fifteen seconds.

 

No vas deferens then ....

 

I had never heard of that until I did get the snip. Clever play on words there though.

 

I couldn't take my eyes off this girl in the bar the other night. She had the most fantastic body I'd ever seen. It was only when she turned around though, that I saw how ugly her face was. Feeling a bit let down I got up to go the toilet, and by the time I got back, she had left.
Later on my mate passed me a piece of paper and said, "Oh... I forgot. That lass at the bar asked me to give you this." On it she'd written, "I saw you looking at me earlier.. Why don't you get in touch sometime," followed by her phone number.
The most amazing thing was that she had signed the note, "from Horseface."
I couldn't help but admire how she'd come to terms with the way she looked in such a self-deprecating and humorous way, so I decided to text her and ask for a date.
"Hi Horseface," I wrote, "I'd love to meet up sometime. Next Tuesday OK?"
I'd just fired off the text when my mate saw what I was doing and said, "You're not actually replying to that are you? ****ing hell, Sam!!.. I only wrote Horseface on the bottom so you'd know it was that ****ing ugly one!!.

 

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