1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

JACK-ANORY FOR A FUNNY STORY - Joke Thread & Comedy Club

Discussion in 'Swansea City' started by swimaway, Jun 18, 2011.

Page 423 of 865
  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,467
    Likes Received:
    263,486
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8441
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 5, 2020
    Taffvalerowdy, daimungeezer, TheRealBubbles and 2 others like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,467
    Likes Received:
    263,486
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8442
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 5, 2020
    Taffvalerowdy and daimungeezer like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,467
    Likes Received:
    263,486
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8443
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 5, 2020
    Taffvalerowdy and daimungeezer like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,467
    Likes Received:
    263,486
    So we're into our 5th month of defeating COVID-19. These words made me laugh. But there's a lot of truth mixed in to consider. . .

    1. So let me get this straight, there’s no cure for a virus that can be killed by sanitizer and hand soap?
    2. Is it too early to put up the Christmas tree yet? I have run out of things to do.
    3. When this virus thing is over, I still want some of you to stay away from me.
    4. If these last months have taught us anything, it’s that stupidity travels faster than any virus on the planet.
    5. Just wait a second – so what you're telling me is that my chance of surviving all this is directly linked to the common sense of others? You’re kidding, right?
    6. If you believe all this will end and we will get back to normal just because we reopen everything, raise your hand. Now slap yourself with it.
    7. Another Saturday night in the house and I just realized the trash goes out more than me.
    8. Whoever decided a pub is more essential than a hair salon is obviously a bald-headed alcoholic.
    9. Remember when you were little and all your underwear had the days of the week on them. Those would be helpful right now.
    10. The spread of Covid-19 is based on two factors: 1. How dense the population is and 2. How dense the population is.
    11. Remember all those times when you wished the weekend would last forever? Well, wish granted. Happy now?
    12. It may take a village to raise a child, but I swear it’s going to take a whole vineyard to home school one.
    13. Did a big load of pajamas so I would have enough clean work clothes for this week.
    14. Watching pigeons is funny. The males are always trying to get lucky.
     
    #8444
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 5, 2020
    daimungeezer likes this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,467
    Likes Received:
    263,486
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8445
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 5, 2020
    daimungeezer likes this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,467
    Likes Received:
    263,486
    An Irish daughter had not been home for over ten years: Upon her return, her father yelled at her, "Where have ye been all this time?
    Why did ye not write to us?
    Not even a line.
    Why didn't ye call?
    Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?"
    The girl, crying, replied. (Sniff, sniff) "Dad, I was too embarrassed, I became a prostitute!"
    "Ye what?
    Get out of here, ye shameless hussy!
    Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family, so yer are."
    "OK, Daddy, as ye wish.
    I just came back to give Mammy this luxurious fur coat, a title deed to a eight bedroom mansion plus a $5 million check.
    For me little brother Seamus, this gold Rolex.
    And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside, plus a membership to the Limerick Country Club.
    She takes a breath and continues and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Caribbean!"
    "Now what was it ye said ye had become?" Says Daddy.
    Girl, crying again says. (Sniff, sniff) "A prostitute Daddy!"
    "Oh Be Jesus!
    Ye scared me half to death girl.

    I thought ye said a PROTESTANT.
     
    #8446
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 5, 2020
    daimungeezer and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  7. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2011
    Messages:
    18,378
    Likes Received:
    30,520
    1596709349882.png 1596710279974.png 1596709717365.png 1596709349882.png
     
    #8447
    swantastic, Aug 6, 2020
    Wooperts_duck and daimungeezer like this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,467
    Likes Received:
    263,486
    I was watching an Australian cookery show and the audience clapped when the chef made pavlova.

    I was surprised, as Australians normally boo meringue.
     
    #8448
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 6, 2020
    kiwiqpr and daimungeezer like this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,467
    Likes Received:
    263,486
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8449
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 6, 2020
    daimungeezer likes this.
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,467
    Likes Received:
    263,486
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8450
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 6, 2020
    daimungeezer, TheRealBubbles and Taffvalerowdy like this.

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,467
    Likes Received:
    263,486
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8451
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 6, 2020
    daimungeezer, neveroffsidereff and TheRealBubbles like this.
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,467
    Likes Received:
    263,486
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8452
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 6, 2020
    daimungeezer and TheRealBubbles like this.
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,467
    Likes Received:
    263,486
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8453
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 6, 2020
    daimungeezer and neveroffsidereff like this.
  14. TheRealBubbles

    TheRealBubbles Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2018
    Messages:
    3,127
    Likes Received:
    7,531
    They’re either in ‘the tower of terror‘ ride or ‘haunted house’ ride. Loves Disney me.
     
    #8454
    TheRealBubbles, Aug 7, 2020
    Wooperts_duck and neveroffsidereff like this.
  15. neveroffsidereff

    neveroffsidereff Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2011
    Messages:
    29,016
    Likes Received:
    33,409
    Love tower of terror ride.
     
    #8455
    neveroffsidereff, Aug 7, 2020
    swantastic, TheRealBubbles and Wooperts_duck like this.
  16. TheRealBubbles

    TheRealBubbles Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2018
    Messages:
    3,127
    Likes Received:
    7,531
    I reckon us 4 should hit a Florida, forget the kids (except baby Jack obvs)
     
    #8456
    TheRealBubbles, Aug 7, 2020
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,467
    Likes Received:
    263,486
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8457
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 7, 2020
    daimungeezer likes this.
  18. neveroffsidereff

    neveroffsidereff Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2011
    Messages:
    29,016
    Likes Received:
    33,409
    I’m up for that, bugger the kids. V not a lover of roller coasters, but I loves them. Universal is the best in my opinion.
     
    #8458
    neveroffsidereff, Aug 7, 2020
    TheRealBubbles likes this.
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,467
    Likes Received:
    263,486
    I went to a conference on Alopecia last week, where I told an inappropriate joke.

    Luckily, it didn’t raise any eyebrows.
     
    #8459
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 7, 2020
    daimungeezer likes this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,467
    Likes Received:
    263,486
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8460
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 7, 2020
    daimungeezer and neveroffsidereff like this.
Page 423 of 865

Share This Page