JACK-ANORY FOR A FUNNY STORY - Joke Thread & Comedy Club

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Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.

 

So what if I don't know what apocalypse means!?

It's not the end of the world!

 

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A pair of Irish ditch diggers were repairing some road damage directly across the street from a whore house. They witnessed a Protestant Minister lurking about, then ducking into the house.
"Would ye look at that, Darby!" said Pat. "What a shameful disgrace, those Protestant Reverends sinning in a house the likes of that place". They both shook their heads and continued working.
A short time later they watched as a Rabbi looked around cautiously and then darted into the house when he was satisfied no one was looking.
"Did ya see that, Darby?" Pat asked in shock and disbelief, "Is nothing holy to those Jewish Rabbis? I just can't understand what the world is coming to these days. A man of the cloth indulging himself in sins of the flesh. 'Tis a shame, I tell ya".
Not much later a third man, a Catholic Priest, was lurking about the house, looking around to see if anyone was watching, then quietly sneaking in.
"Oh no, Darby, look!" said Pat, removing his cap, "One of the poor girls musta died...."

 

A bloke is sitting in the bar at a busy airport. A beautiful woman walks in and sits down next to him. He presumes, because she's got a uniform on, she's probably an off duty flight attendant.

So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for thereby impressing her greatly . He leans across to her and says the Delta Airline motto: "We love to fly and it shows".

The woman looks at him blankly. He sits back and thinks up another line. He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto: "Winning the hearts of the world". Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.

Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto: "Going beyond expectations".

The woman looks at him sternly and says: "What the f**k do you want?"

"Ah!" he says, sitting back with a smile on his face... Ryanair!

 

The Germans are getting worried about Covid-19.

They are putting their towels on hospital beds.

 

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Wife has just told me she has broken the satnav and wants £150 for a new one.

She can get lost....