A naked man was walking in the jungle when he came face to face with an Elephant. The Elephant looked the naked man up and down and said how the f*ck do you feed yourself with that?
When figures of speech walk into a bar.... A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly. A bar was walked into by the passive voice. An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening. Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.” A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite. Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything. A question mark walks into a bar? A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly. Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type." A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud. A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves. Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart. A synonym strolls into a tavern. At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack. A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment. Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor. A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered. An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel. The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known. A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned a man with a glass eye named Ralph. The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense. A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines. An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars. A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert. A dyslexic walks into a bra. A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget. A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.
Got some of it, but have to admit that my grammar ain't what it should be (or even as good as I pretend it is ).
I went to a good grammar school, but mysteriously the education department of the day (about '61) decided to drop parsing from the curriculum. I cheered at the time....not my favourite pastime, but have regretted it many times since....especially when I was a writer. Don't know whether it was regional or nationwide. I have often envied privately educated children who were still taught to do it.
Had to engage brain to disturb some cobwebs, have some research to do. Memories of A level English. Now days thinking is extra.
An English man and a scotsman were chatting in a bar. They got talking about their kids. The English man said I have a son born on St George's day so we named him George. Small world said the Scotsman same thing happened on St Andrew's day with my son Andrew. B'jesus said Paddy same thing happened with me and my boy Pancake
Yay, my Wii arrived this morning and is up and running. Spent an hour doing step aerobics, before cooling down with a few balance exercises and some bowling. Now to maintain the good start.
