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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The farmer and his wife had worked hard, scrimped, and saved to send their son to college.
    As soon as he had enrolled, he started to grow a beard. Next, he grew a large moustache and sideburns. Being pleased with his new facial adornment, he had his picture taken and sent it off to his parents.
    On the back of the photo, he scrawled "How do you like it? Don't I look like a count?"
    Shortly after, the son received this terse note: "You idiot, it cost us a fortune to send you to college, and you can't even spell..."
     
    #9141
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 24, 2020
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  2. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2020-7-25_11-14-40.jpeg
     
    #9142
    Taffvalerowdy, Jul 25, 2020
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  3. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2020-7-25_17-21-27.jpeg
     
    #9143
    Taffvalerowdy, Jul 25, 2020
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9144
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 25, 2020
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A man goes into Boots and says: "Have you got any Viagra?"
    "Do you have a prescription?" asks the chemist.
    "No," he replies, "But 'I've got a photograph of the wife."
     
    #9145
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 25, 2020
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A linguist dies
    At the funeral, a fellow academic asks his wife, “do you mind if I say a word?”
    She nods.
    He stands and says “Plethora”, and immediately sits back down.
    She says, tearfully, “thank you, that means a lot.”
     
    #9146
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 25, 2020
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9147
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 25, 2020
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  8. Wooperts_duck

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    #9148
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 25, 2020
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Don't let them take the temperature on your forehead as you enter the supermarket, because it erases your memory.

    I went for a bottle of milk and a loaf, and came home with a case of lager and a bottle of wine....
     
    #9149
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 25, 2020
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9150
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 25, 2020
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9151
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 25, 2020
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Fancy playing hide and seek all day and getting paid for it?

    Become a member of staff at B&Q!
     
    #9152
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 25, 2020
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Apparently Black Country women have broader accents than the men.

    It seems the female of the species is more Dudley than the male...
     
    #9153
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 25, 2020
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My mate was seeing two women at the same time.

    One named Keeley the other called Lorraine. Lorraine gave him the elbow.

    The next day, you could hear him singing, “I can see Keeley now Lorraine has gone”.
     
    #9154
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 25, 2020
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  15. Wooperts_duck

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    I don't understand why so many people major in English Literature.

    I mean there's only so many ways to ask, "Do you want fries with that?"
     
    #9155
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 26, 2020
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Even after all these years I still find it hard to believe that EVERYBODY was Kung Fu fighting.
     
    #9156
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 26, 2020
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9157
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 26, 2020
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The Yorkshire Cocktail......

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    #9158
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 26, 2020
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  19. Wooperts_duck

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    #9159
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 26, 2020
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  20. Wooperts_duck

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    #9160
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 26, 2020
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Page 458 of 836
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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