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Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD

Discussion in 'Liverpool' started by Garlic Klopp, Jan 13, 2014.

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  1. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4821
    kiwiqpr, Jun 5, 2020
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  2. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4822
    kiwiqpr, Jun 5, 2020
  3. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Just been to Tesco and swapped 50 raisins for 100 sultanas.

    I can't believe the currant exchange rate.
     
    #4823
    kiwiqpr, Jun 5, 2020
  4. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4824
    kiwiqpr, Jun 5, 2020
  5. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    An Irish Priest transferred to Texas:
    Father O’Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish.
    He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.
    He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.
    He promptly called the local police station.
    The conversation went like this:
    “Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?”
    “And the best of the day to yerself. This is Father O’Malley at St. Ann’s Catholic Church. There’s a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple of’yer lads to take care of the matter?”
    Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied,
    “Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!”
    There was dead silence on the line for a long moment…
    Father O’Malley then replied, “Aye, ’tis certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call.”
     
    #4825
    kiwiqpr, Jun 5, 2020
  6. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    #4826
    Garlic Klopp, Jun 5, 2020
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  7. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    need to think for this one


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    #4827
    Garlic Klopp, Jun 7, 2020
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  8. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I see the poster spellcheckers in Bristol have been furloughed
     
    #4828
    kiwiqpr, Jun 7, 2020
  9. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4829
    kiwiqpr, Jun 7, 2020
  10. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    kiwiqpr, Jun 7, 2020

  11. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4831
    kiwiqpr, Jun 7, 2020
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  12. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  13. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Winner of ‘Wife of the Year
     
    #4833
    kiwiqpr, Jun 7, 2020
  14. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4834
    kiwiqpr, Jun 7, 2020
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  15. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4835
    kiwiqpr, Jun 7, 2020
  16. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Please don't feel embarrassed when wearing your face mask out in public.

    Let's face it - some people wear everton shirts !!
     
    #4836
    kiwiqpr, Jun 7, 2020
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  17. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Whilst driving through Yorkshire.....

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    #4837
    kiwiqpr, Jun 7, 2020
  18. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    My flight back from Gibraltar to Glasgow has just been cancelled.

    Now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.
     
    #4838
    kiwiqpr, Jun 7, 2020
  19. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    My wife ran off with the milkman this morning.

    Watching them drive away on his milk float was the worst two hours of my life.
     
    #4839
    kiwiqpr, Jun 7, 2020
  20. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4840
    kiwiqpr, Jun 7, 2020
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