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Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD

Discussion in 'Liverpool' started by Garlic Klopp, Jan 13, 2014.

  1. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4721
  2. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I'm so poor my mate lets me eat from his herb garden.....

    I'm living on borrowed thyme
     
    #4722
    THE FOOL and organic red like this.
  3. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I used to love tractors, but not anymore

    I'm an ex tractor fan.......
     
    #4723
  4. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4724
  5. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
     
    #4725
  6. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
     
    #4726
    THE FOOL likes this.
  7. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old? Aye matey.
     
    #4727
  8. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Did you hear about the italian chef that died? He pasta way.
     
    #4728
  9. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
     
    #4729
  10. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.
     
    #4730

  11. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says "Did you hear about that outbreak of mad cow disease? It makes cows go completely insane!". The other cow replies "Good thing I'm a helicopter".
     
    #4731
  12. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Somebody stole my microsoft office and they're going to pay - you have my Word.
     
    #4732
    johnsonsbaby likes this.
  13. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of person your spouse would have preferred.
     
    #4733
    THE FOOL likes this.
  14. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  15. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  16. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I once told an inappropriate joke at an Alopecia convention. Luckily it didn’t raise any eyebrows.
     
    #4736
  17. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    If London had their own space agency, would the astronauts be saying "Euston we have a problem"
     
    #4737
  18. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.
    The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
    Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."
    The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said.
    Finally, unable to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked,
    "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow..?”
     
    #4738
  19. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Paddy gets stopped towing a horsebox on the motorway.
    Police ask him "Where are you going sir?"
    Paddy says "I'm taking these horses to the races"
    "But your box is empty sir!" says the policeman.
    "I know" says Paddy, "I'm taking the non-runners first!!!!"
     
    #4739
  20. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Good to see life guards back on the beaches

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    #4740
    organic red likes this.

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