A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls." The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said. Finally, unable to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow..?”
Paddy gets stopped towing a horsebox on the motorway. Police ask him "Where are you going sir?" Paddy says "I'm taking these horses to the races" "But your box is empty sir!" says the policeman. "I know" says Paddy, "I'm taking the non-runners first!!!!"
If you’re thinking about a holiday abroad? Fly to Spain, Return by dinghy from France. No quarantine, Job done
A guy goes to see the doctor, the doctor examines him and says "I have good news and bad news". "What's the bad news?" asks the patient. "You have an incurable disease." says the doctor, "You only have 6 days to live." "That's terrible!" says the patient, "But what's the good news?". "It's spring," says the doctor, "the days are getting longer.
A blonde city girl named Judy marries a Saskatchewan rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Judy, "The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?" The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Judy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when Judy sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one right here." The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blonde, asks, "Tell me lady, cause I'm dying to know; how would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?" "That's simple," she said. "By the nail that's over its stall," she explains very confidently. Laughing rudely at her, the man says, "And what, pray tell, is the nail for?" The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, "I guess it's to hang your pants on."