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OVER & under 70'S THREAD ....inc: BCFC NOT 606 PUB BAR news

Discussion in 'Bristol City' started by johngalleyfan2, Mar 15, 2020.

  1. johngalleyfan2

    johngalleyfan2 Well-Known Member

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    well we have got to keep smiling and it is actually topical!!!
     
    #81
  2. johngalleyfan2

    johngalleyfan2 Well-Known Member

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    well DOMINIC RAAB has achieved more than poor old JC … he is now running the country and poorly Boris is in hospital. Must say Boris didn't look to bright when I saw him on the box the other night clapping for our NHS AND ALL ESSENTIAL WORKERS. Wish Boris all the best …..

    How many on here " do the clap" for those on the frontline OUR END OF THE STREET was quite involved more than 13 of 25 houses in our road I could see.

    On my daily walk was rather perturbed to see [ Sunday ]that 2 camper vans [ that makes 3 ] had done a bunk … ONE on Saturday was giving it a good scrub its space on the drive now empty...

    nice bit of refreshing rain in the early hours raining at 4 am guess we will be looking toward a similar event, in the early hours as opposed to daylight time in the coming months.

    a good year for peacocks, butterflies that is, saw a small white yesterday and some meadow browns [ I think they were, but 20 m away and flying away when spotted ] have seen an orange tip every year for as long as I can remember hopefully might this..... but nearly always around Priddy

    Bought some rocket salad yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!

    When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkers saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What a pair of sexists. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the bloody thing!

    The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

    A beautiful fairy appeared one day to an asylum seeker claimant outside the Social Security Offices. ‘ My good man,’the fairy said, ‘ I’ve been told by Jeremy Corbyn to grant you three wishes, since you’ve just arrived in Britain with your wife and seven children – all costs to be borne by the British Tax Payers.'
    The man told the fairy: 'Well, in Iraq where I come from we don't have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them.'. The fairy looked at the man's almost toothless grin and… PING !!! The Asylum Seeker had a brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth!
    'What else?' asked the fairy, 'two more wishes to go'. The Asylum Seeker refugee claimant now got bolder. 'I need a big house with a three car garage on the coast with eight bedrooms – and a Gold Visa Card in each room - for my family and the rest of my refugee relatives who still live in Iraq; I want to bring them all over here.
    PING ! - In the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a three car garage, a long driveway, a walkout patio with a BBQ, and a sparkling swimming pool and a BMW, full of his nephews playing their music
    'One more wish left for you', said the fairy, waving her wand. The Asylum Seeker refugee claimant really decided to go for broke now and said “I want to be British with British clothes instead of the rags and shawl and I want to have white skin like the British.'
    PING ! - The man was transformed, wearing worn-out trainers, a dirty Man Utd T-shirt and a greasy baseball hat. He had his bad teeth back and the mansion had disappeared from the horizon.
    ‘What happened to my new teeth? ‘he wailed. 'Where is my new house? Where’s my Visa Gold Card?'
    The fairy said 'Tough luck. Now that you are British, you're entitled to sweet **** all like the rest of us.
    And she disappeared.

    my 3 wish's …….
    we all keep safe, keep smiling, keep indoors …….
     
    #82
  3. johngalleyfan2

    johngalleyfan2 Well-Known Member

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    looks like the treatment of Boris is escalating along the lines of how the country has rightly been led by the government!!! Not putting panic and wild guesses into the faces of the masses .. I /we wish him all the best and a speedy recovery.
    After a couple of days Starmer has cooled down and now says [ with a caveat the labour party will back the gov: ] gone are the ugly bugs and Cheshire cats who sat there mouthing constantly through PMQ's a clean clean sweep [with same dirty old brush???] … or a new broom ?
    15th day of the lock down.. that's 25% of what may be envisaged .. would suspect around Christmas time NHS might have another crisis … baby boom! ..

    Man to Librarian "Do you have the new book about small penises? "
    Librarian "It's Not In Yet".
    Man ." Yes ! That's the one ".

    A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”
    She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."
    He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!
    Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?”
    “Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”
    “Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”
    “Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”
    Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name.”
    “Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba".

    A nun is in the bath. There is a knock on the bathroom door. "Who's there?" nervously says the nun. "A blind man" says the man outside. "Oh. In that case, come in my dear." says the nun. The blind man opens the door and goes in and says "Nice tits. Where shall I hang the blinds?"


    Walked into the bedroom the other day, only to find the wife laid there naked lifeless and dead.
    After the initial shock I thought well might as well have one last go, after a short while the wife opened her eyes and shouted BOO!!
    Honestly, some people are just fkg sick in the head.
     
    #83
  4. johngalleyfan2

    johngalleyfan2 Well-Known Member

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    in a previous post I commented on the folly of those that invaded the beaches moorlands mountains and parks 2 weekends ago could possible lead to an increase of unfortunates around now! takes up to 7 days to infect and can be as much as 14 days.
    whilst it is almost impossible to trace the line to original infection, not because it isn't there, but having peeps to do it. It can easily be assumed that anyone in contact with it could return home .. visit parents neighbours etc and pass it on whilst not contracting themselves. It can it has been said exist from 10 hours to 14 days outside a host! [ nothing is concrete it seems ] and varying mediums are aligned to different time frames .. and coughs sneezes are proven and dis proven to travel 2m +/-

    I was shopping in Tesco yesterday … and not impressed .. there were peeps going wrong way down aisles which then condensed the 2m at least 2 couples middle aged and not speaking English totally ignoring 2m [ one got pissy when I used my child trolley … forgot a 1 coin, as a shield, I was filling a bag with carrots ..each time she tried to get some I manoeuvred my trolley! I retorted to her gabble with a language of my own … dung bla poohchung harg meenge ef yus amoebic sheeter fcteface or something similar she looked stunned … but it worked ...lol] ….

    keep safe keep 2m
     
    #84
  5. Angelicnumber16

    Angelicnumber16 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for lightening the mood JGF2 !
     
    #85
  6. johngalleyfan2

    johngalleyfan2 Well-Known Member

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    WELL it has to be done …. no good adopting a posture of "moping" I could probably still do few jobs … couriering .. but would take income off the couple other drivers .. so have to divide up the day .. important is liquid intake 1 pint of water [ drunk over an hour ] about 4 cups of tea … 3 in front of computer. Jobs .. have the garden and 3 other tasks to sort so rotate around them. My walk is between 445 and 6pm about an hour and 2.2 miles +/- dinner 630pm till 8pm then on computer till midnight writing part 2 of my book and/ or catching up emails etc etc … and humour is what keeps it ticking!!!!!

    One day a man walked into a pub in Wales and ordered a pint of beer. All the other men in the bar looked at him and the barman asked, "You're not from around here, are you sir?"
    "No," replied the man, "I am from London."
    "So, boyo," said the barman, "What do you do for a living then?"
    "I'm a taxidermist." replied the man.
    "A taxidermist?" asked the barman, "What's one of them then?"
    "Well," replied the man, "I mount animals."
    The barman then turned to all the other Welshmen in the bar and said, "It's ok lad's, he's one of us!"
     
    #86
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  7. Angelicnumber16

    Angelicnumber16 Well-Known Member

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    I went to my local Asda at 13.30 yesterday and the queue was nearly to the top of the car park
    Took 50 mins to get inside (after standing outside in the hottish sun breathing other peoples cigarette smoke) where it was virtually empty which was good, but the queue would have gone down a lot quicker had the people on crowd control at the store entrance actually been watching people leaving the store to allow others to enter instead of being engrossed on their phones.
    Appreciate they are probably novices and are on minimum wage, but even so, it ain't difficult.
     
    #87
  8. johngalleyfan2

    johngalleyfan2 Well-Known Member

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    didn't have to q at Tesco went about 5 15 know what you mean about the staff outside .. when I went in, went to MANAGER stacking easter eggs just inside told him no wipe down of my trolley or other PPE …. POINTED TO A SECONDARY TABLE INSIDE STORE went over and gave him the empty packets... biggest problem was as you say staff having very little interest …..
     
    #88
  9. johngalleyfan2

    johngalleyfan2 Well-Known Member

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    please log in to view this image

    not sure what the comparison is telling us? due to the lack of information attached to be able to understand or read it.. or why indeed is it following a similar "sine" wave? NO2 is generated by exhausts ..mainly .. but is affected by weather mainly rain, but also winds thin it out near monitoring stations. the biggest dip appears a week into the lockdown, but then increases ! when it was more likely less vehicles were being used on the roads eg first Bus took more than half the fleet off the road around start of APRIL SIMILAR ALL OVER THE COUNTRY.... and most planes were grounded [ clue to Q !! ]When the clouds clear take an opportunity to lay out on the grass / sit back in a chair and gaze to the heavens ..what do you see? and what do you hear? answers at the end!

    A Scouser and a southern tea leaf are in Greggs, the tea leaf steals 3 pies and puts them in his pocket, he then brags to the Scouser, "yo man did you see how good I am, the staff never saw a thing" .. The Scouser says "that's F*** all now watch this" turns to the cashier and asks for 3 pies, and I'll show you some magic, he then eats the 3 pies in front of the cashier.... the cashier says, "but that's not magic," ok replies the Scouser, look in the tea leaf's pocket then !

    The mother-in-law arrives home from shopping to find her son-in-law, Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.
    "What happened Paddy?" she asks anxiously.
    "What happened? I'll tell you what happened! I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home ... and guess what I found? Your daughter, my wife, Jean, naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable! The end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!"
    "Ah now, calm down, calm down Paddy!" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened."
    Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile.
    "Paddy, there, I told you it must be a simple explanation.............
    She never got your email!"

    A .. the sky is a rich blue .. no pale haze from contrails /pollution … and the background noise is conspicuous by its absence .. you can hear "distant birdsong" [ say 100m or more away ]
     
    #89
  10. Angelicnumber16

    Angelicnumber16 Well-Known Member

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    Scouse/tea leaf one is brilliant <laugh><laugh><laugh><laugh>
     
    #90

  11. Angelicnumber16

    Angelicnumber16 Well-Known Member

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    There are reports of much better air quality globally since this started and people started flying less.
    I'm very close to the flightpath at Lulsgate and instead of seeing an Easy Jet or Ryan Air plane every few minutes there is now virtually nothing.
    Also very little higher up overhead here on the Transatlantic route to and from Heathrow
     
    #91
  12. bcfcredandwhite

    bcfcredandwhite Well-Known Member

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    Whilst lack of flights has undoubtedly made a positive difference, I would suggest that it’s the reduction in road traffic that has had the most effect.
    When full, a jet airliner gives about 60 miles per gallon per person (approx - depends on a lot of factors) and it also goes more or less directly from a to b - no traffic lights, hairpin bends or one-way systems to negotiate, whereas MY Audi A5 petrol does about 25mpg around town and my dirty diesel Santa Fe 4x4 does about the same but the exhaust is more poisonous. It’s all those people NOT commuting to work and NOT doing the school run that has made the main difference methinks
     
    #92
  13. Angelicnumber16

    Angelicnumber16 Well-Known Member

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    You're very probably right :emoticon-0148-yes:
     
    #93
  14. johngalleyfan2

    johngalleyfan2 Well-Known Member

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    We are about a mile apart line of sight, you also? look south to see the comings and goings a series of 4 or 5 in quick succession over a period of 10 mins or so [ landing or taking off ] at 20,000 ft plus to the north is the inter continentals about 1 every 10 mins ave heading for HR or GW mainly I miss the 13 30 to eire only one that gets close to being overhead mostly ….

    I think you are close to the mark.. 3 fuel types .. diesel …. petrol ...aviation fuel …. your 2 is NO2 [ mostly ] = DIESEL whereas the other 2 fuels are mostly CO2 …

    I just come in from the garden … clouds cleared and sun "hot" rescued a elephant hawk moth caterpillar from becoming some ones dinner put in gooseberry patch! Replanted some onion sets bl**** birds think the tips you leave just showing are a tasty morsel and pull them out and leave on surface!!!!
    GOT … Boris 's letter no excuse for any one now … every letter box in the country is getting one …. a pre cursor to heavier fines, and no excuses … cost of that letter about £60m …. enough to pay 1500 nurses a years wages …..

    Latest news ….
    Police in Lagos,Nigeria have just broken into the flat of a man that had died.
    They found 2 billion pounds
    Checking his computer they found out he has been trying to give it away for the last 15 years, but nobody was replying to his emails
     
    #94
  15. Angelicnumber16

    Angelicnumber16 Well-Known Member

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    Yes, that sun is really hot this afternoon. Hope it doesn't scorch the grass seed I've sown ! But it dried the wall I painted earlier (whilst pretending to work) a treat !

    Latest news ….
    Police in Lagos,Nigeria have just broken into the flat of a man that had died.
    They found 2 billion pounds
    Checking his computer they found out he has been trying to give it away for the last 15 years, but nobody was replying to his emails

    <laugh><laugh>
     
    #95
  16. johngalleyfan2

    johngalleyfan2 Well-Known Member

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    we are now coming into the expected time zone of the erjits who invaded the beaches mountains and parks... the invasion of Snowdonia..dales and peak district was mainly from midlands based peeps also the massive upsurge of anger at Dudley from the peeps of the west midlands and where now is the "hotspot" Birmingham and midlands ! . … A large number of peeps from the ?west country glos/wilts/etc invaded the beaches along the coast from "weymouth to Portishead"?
    there has been numerous charts all showing the 21 -28 day cycle and we are now in it the dangerous end from that weekend of amoebic stupidity ..
    today I hope the gov. extends the 3 weeks AND ALSO TAKES THE OPPORTUNITY to ensure the fines are damaging to the pocket … it is currently like keeping your kids from school and going on holiday … not likely to be much "room" for holidays in august you can bet everything will be at higher price and fully booked so sod it lets go for a few days out now and the money put aside for a holiday will pay the fine …..

    wife …. my goodness look at that paralitic drunk guy
    Husband …. who is he?
    wife … 10 years ago he proposed to me and I rejected him
    Husband … oh my god... he is still celebrating!

    I was walking through the park when I noticed something nailed to a tree. On closer inspection I realised it was a Bristol rovers season ticket.
    "That's lucky" I said to myself "I need a nail"!

    For the last twenty years I've received a Valentines day card from the same secret admirer.
    So I was upset when I didn't get one this morning....
    First my Gran dies, now this ……………..
     
    #96
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  17. johngalleyfan2

    johngalleyfan2 Well-Known Member

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    SEEMS THE POLICE are treating this weekend with a cast iron resolve. AND VERY GOOD TO.....
    road blocks turning back people, roads layby's and carparks closed, people that have gone to their 2nd home actually being told " you must stay there now, for the duration!" or you commit an offence and will fined or arrested. Not given the chance to leave now and return to main residence.
    anpr will be working overtime! there is apparently in some areas no softly softly.. the statement was "you have been given your 3 weeks grace and now know you are committing an offence"

    I wonder if this fine is LIKE NON PAYMENT OF TAX/COUNCIL TAX ETC as opposed to a parking offence and has a criminal record … " sorry for going to your 2nd home we arrest you, and you need to give dna and fingerprints".....

    My Mrs got in the shower with me this morning, said water will keep COVID AT BAY, and told me to do bad things to her....
    So I squirted shampoo in her eyes


    Rationing in shops varies from store to store.
    ASDA: 2 hand sanitisers and a 4 pack of toilet rolls.
    TESCO: 1 hand sanitiser, 500g of rice and 4 pack of toilet rolls.
    WAITROSE: 1 lobster, 6 quails eggs and 100g of Foie Gras.
    ALDI: a MIG welder, a pink sports bra, 2 trumpets and 1 wetsuit.

    Have a happy easter keeping safe, spend time taking in the quiet the blue sky and the thought one day this will over and I can go down the pub again..... watch a real game of football … and drive my car at 79mph on the motorway....
     
    #97
  18. johngalleyfan2

    johngalleyfan2 Well-Known Member

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    happy easter all ..... keep safe …...stay home... keep smiling ….
    How do you know the Easter Bunny is really smart?
    Because he's an egghead.

    What did the Easter Egg say to the boiling water?
    It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
    So, Easter commemorates when Jesus hid eggs for the disciples to find, and then he turned all the rabbits into chocolate, right?
    Where does the Easter Bunny get his eggs?
    From Eggplants.
    What happened to the Easter Bunny when he misbehaved at school?
    He was eggspelled
    !
    Did you hear about the lady whose house was infested with Easter eggs?
    She had to call an eggs-terminator!
    Why do we paint Easter eggs?
    Because it's easier than trying to wallpaper them!

    What day does an Easter egg hate the most?
    Fry-days.
    What kind of bunny can't hop?
    A chocolate one!

    Why did the Easter egg hide?
    He was a little chicken!
    What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
    Bugs Bunny!

    Why was the little girl sad after the race?
    Because an egg beater!
    What do you get if you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?
    A hot cross bunny

    How do bunnies stay healthy?
    Eggercise
    Why won't Easter eggs go out at night?
    They don't want to get "beat up".

    Why couldn't the Easter egg family watch T.V.?
    Because their cable was scrambled.
    What do you call a mischievous egg?
    A practical yolker

    Why does the Easter Bunny hide Easter eggs?
    He doesn't want anyone to know he's been screwing the chickens!
    What do you get when you cross a rabbits foot with poison ivy?
    A rash of good luck.

    What do you call a bunny with a dictionary in his pants?
    A smarty pants.
    What do you call Easter when you are hopping around?
    Hoppy Easter!

    How should you send a letter to the Easter Bunny?
    By hare mail!
    Why do only 20 percent of blonde chicks lay Easter eggs?
    The rest are hunt'n peckers
    .
    How is the Easter Bunny like Michael Jordan?
    They're both famous for stuffing baskets!
    How long does the Easter Bunny like to party?
    Around the cluck!

    What happened to the egg when he was tickled too much?
    He cracked up.
     
    #98
  19. RedorDead

    RedorDead Well-Known Member

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  20. johngalleyfan2

    johngalleyfan2 Well-Known Member

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    the short comings of the human mind! a picture like this helps to illustrate peeps who see the wider picture or are narrow minded. Take the green machine out and put to where the man is standing and would be minimal spacing [ or move them over ]
    well early indications are a few 1000 got fines yesterday! good for the nhs coffers ..[ no pun intended ] .. did see quite a number of peeps wandering around yesterday, more than usual probably peeps who work now at home for the holiday weekend.

    Ordered a Chinese to my house. the Chinese driver pulls up and walks to the door and I walked out to meet him.
    He started shouting isolate isolate.
    I said mate calm down you're not that late I only ordered half an hour ago

    The only way to pull off a lockdown afternoon 'quickie' with their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the street activities.
    He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
    'There's a car being towed from the car park,' he shouted.
    'An ambulance just drove by!'
    'Looks like the Andersons have company,' he called out.
    'Matt's out on his bike and his mum is telling him off'
    'Looks as if the Sanders are going into full isolation!'
    'Jason has had his skate board taken off him
    After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are having sex!!'
    Startled, his mum and dad shot up in bed!
    Dad cautiously called out,
    'How do you know they're having sex?'
    'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Mars Bar'.

    Q: Why couldn't prehistoric man send birthday cards?
    A: The stamps kept falling off the rocks!
    Q: Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
    A: Because it was marble cake!

    Q: What did the witch do on her birthday?
    A: She spellabrates.
    Q: What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
    A: Mice cream and cake!
    Q: Where do you find a birthday present for a cat?
    A: In a cat-alogue!
    .Q: What is a meaning of a true friend?
    A: One who remembers your birthday but not your age!
    Q: What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday?
    A: Thanks. I'll never part with it!
    Q: Why are birthday's good for you?
    A: Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest!
     
    #100

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