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Jokes

Discussion in 'Leeds United' started by ellandback, Jun 25, 2019.

  1. brisbane-lion

    brisbane-lion Well-Known Member

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    And a holiday at Her Majesty's expense. Full board, three meals a day and all the sex you can take.
     
    #241
  2. Eireleeds1

    Eireleeds1 Well-Known Member

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  3. OLOF

    OLOF Well-Known Member

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    For the last twenty years I've received a Valentines day card from the same secret admirer.
    So I was upset when I didn't get one this morning :(
    First my Gran dies, now this<wah>
     
    #243
  4. Infidel

    Infidel Well-Known Member

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    She needs to go back to school and get educated properly instead of trying to be a grown up, looks like a snotty self opinionated little sh1t.
     
    #244
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2020
  5. Eireleeds1

    Eireleeds1 Well-Known Member

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    Norman, an old retired sailor, puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more for old time's sake.
    He engages a woman of the night and takes her up to her room.
    He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, 'How am I doing?'
    The lady smoothly replies, 'Well Norman, you old sailor, you're doing about three knots.'
    'Three knots?' he asks. ' What's that supposed to mean?'
    She says, 'You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting your money back.'
     
    #245
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  6. Eireleeds1

    Eireleeds1 Well-Known Member

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  7. 2020VisionofLeeds

    2020VisionofLeeds Well-Known Member

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    Shaks and Eire decide to make some money by putting their last few savings into a barrel of whiskey. They plan to roll it to the local town on market day and sell it for £1 a cup, making a huge profit. Rolling it along they stop for a rest under an oak tree.

    Shaks feels thirsty (surely not) and says to Eire ‘if I give you £1 can I have a cup of the whiskey?’

    ‘go on then’ says Eire, pocketing the £1. A few minutes he too starts to feel thirsty. Then he remembers he has £1 in his pocket. So he says to Shaks ‘if I give you £1, can I have a cup too?’

    Hard to imagine what happens next but - spoiler alert - they never become rich.
     
    #247
  8. 2 pennth

    2 pennth Well-Known Member

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    What’s with this £always thought it was euro or have they seen the light
     
    #248
  9. 2020VisionofLeeds

    2020VisionofLeeds Well-Known Member

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    I couldn’t find the Euro sign on my phone

    €€€€ found it now;)
     
    #249
  10. Whitejock

    Whitejock Well-Known Member

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    please log in to view this image
     
    #250

  11. 2020VisionofLeeds

    2020VisionofLeeds Well-Known Member

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    Countries like France don’t have a free market or pro-business mentality, no wonder we can’t work with them - they don’t even have a word for entrepreneur.
     
    #251
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  12. lifecheshirewhite

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    Yes they do it's (collecteur de subvention Europeennes)
     
    #252
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  13. 2020VisionofLeeds

    2020VisionofLeeds Well-Known Member

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    Very good. And as I’m in a generous mood I’ll assume you got my joke.
     
    #253
  14. 2020VisionofLeeds

    2020VisionofLeeds Well-Known Member

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    Very good. And as I’m in a generous mood I’ll assume you got my joke.
     
    #254
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  15. OLOF

    OLOF Well-Known Member

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    Could you repeat that?
     
    #255
  16. 2020VisionofLeeds

    2020VisionofLeeds Well-Known Member

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    There's an error in your signature, it should read 'We are descending into madness by society's pandering to the insane left'

    You're welcome - any time.

    I don't feel very pandered to, though.
     
    #256
  17. 2020VisionofLeeds

    2020VisionofLeeds Well-Known Member

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    I find it's best to tell Chesh things more than once.
     
    #257
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  18. lifecheshirewhite

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    Not as funny as your Brexit posts, but I think it brought a smile, but it might have been trapped wind. :emoticon-0105-wink:
     
    #258
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  19. OLOF

    OLOF Well-Known Member

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    You're insane though
     
    #259
  20. Eireleeds1

    Eireleeds1 Well-Known Member

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