Marriage is like a pack of cards - you start off with a couple of hearts and a diamond but by the end you wish you'd had a club and a spade.
A bloke goes to his GP complaining of high temperatures and stomach cramps, worried that he might have the virus doing the rounds. After an examination the doctor tells him that he's not got a virus but certainly has a tapeworm which is causing his symptoms. The doctor says he could give the patient a pill to get rid of the tapeworm or try a more natural remedy that might take a few days. Thinking that he'd rather not be putting harsh chemicals into his body the bloke agrees on the natural method and asks the doctor what to do. "You have to starve yourself and only once a day put a piece of chocolate up your arse. Do this for 4 days and on the 5th day come back here" Perplexed the bloke agrees and sure enough he doesn't eat a thing but once a day he shoves a square of dairy milk up his bum. Close to passing out with hunger he goes back to see his GP on the 5th day. The doctor orders him to bend over and takes up a pair of surgical grips in one hand and a grape in the other. He then pokes the grape up the blokes rear end and steps back with the grips at the ready and counts down "5, 4, 3, 2, 1" and just then the tapeworm sticks his head out of the bloke's arse and spits the grape out as the doctor shouts "Gotcha!"
