1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,844
    Likes Received:
    262,465
    please log in to view this image
     
    #12461
    antipodean exile likes this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,844
    Likes Received:
    262,465
    please log in to view this image
     
    #12462
    antipodean exile likes this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,844
    Likes Received:
    262,465
    A man was sitting in the bar at Heathrow and noticed a
    really beautiful woman sitting next to him.He thought to himself. "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be an air hostess. I wonder which airline she works for?"

    Hoping to find out, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta
    Airline slogan. "Love to fly and it shows?" She gave him a blank, confused stare and he thought to himself. "Well, she obviously doesn't work for Delta." A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. So he leaned towards her again and said, "Something special in the air?" She gave him the same confused look He mentally scratched Singapore Airlines off his list.

    He thought "Perhaps she works for Thai Airways ..." and said "Smooth as silk?" This time, the woman turned on him and said,
    "What the f*** do you want?" The man smiled, sat back in his chair and said "Ahhhhh, Ryanair!"
     
    #12463
    antipodean exile likes this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,844
    Likes Received:
    262,465
    A Dyslexic Terrorist has broken into Dublin Zoo and is holding 12 Ostriches
     
    #12464
    antipodean exile likes this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,844
    Likes Received:
    262,465
    Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.
    Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day.
    So the Angel must decide which of them gets in.
    The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.
    Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity".
    The Angel thanks Dolly and asks Her Majesty the same question.
    The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, and drinks it down.
    Then, pees into a toilet and pulls the lever.
    The Angel says, "ok, your Majesty, you may go in."
    Dolly is outraged and asked, "What was that all about?
    I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down.
    She pees into a toilet and she gets in!
    Would you explain that to me?"
    "Sorry, Dolly says the Angel, but even in Heaven A Royal Flush Beats a Pair No Matter How Big They Are".
     
    #12465
    antipodean exile likes this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,844
    Likes Received:
    262,465
    Couldn't hold it and farted a midget in the face in a crowded elevator.


    It was wrong on so many levels.
     
    #12466
    antipodean exile likes this.
  7. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,259
    Likes Received:
    27,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #12467
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  8. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,259
    Likes Received:
    27,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #12468
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  9. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,259
    Likes Received:
    27,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #12469
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  10. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,259
    Likes Received:
    27,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #12470
    Wooperts_duck likes this.

  11. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,259
    Likes Received:
    27,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #12471
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  12. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,259
    Likes Received:
    27,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #12472
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  13. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,259
    Likes Received:
    27,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #12473
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  14. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,259
    Likes Received:
    27,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #12474
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  15. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,259
    Likes Received:
    27,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #12475
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,844
    Likes Received:
    262,465
    Well that escalated quickly!

    please log in to view this image
     
    #12476
    antipodean exile likes this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,844
    Likes Received:
    262,465
    please log in to view this image
     
    #12477
    antipodean exile likes this.
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,844
    Likes Received:
    262,465
    please log in to view this image
     
    #12478
    antipodean exile likes this.
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,844
    Likes Received:
    262,465
    please log in to view this image
     
    #12479
    antipodean exile likes this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,844
    Likes Received:
    262,465
    please log in to view this image
     
    #12480
    antipodean exile likes this.

Share This Page