1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

Discussion in 'Sunderland' started by Smug in Boots, Jan 19, 2015.

  1. MrRAWhite

    MrRAWhite Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    26,980
    Likes Received:
    14,258
    please log in to view this image
     
    #4521
    Ozzymac, Class of 73 and Nacho like this.
  2. Smug in Boots

    Smug in Boots Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2011
    Messages:
    53,541
    Likes Received:
    112,736
    A mate of mine lived in a skip round the back of a restaurant in Burgundy.

    He made himself clothes by peeling the labels off old wine bottles ...

    ... I wouldn't call the lad a tramp but he was quite Chablis dressed <laugh>

    ..
     
    #4522
  3. Smug in Boots

    Smug in Boots Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2011
    Messages:
    53,541
    Likes Received:
    112,736
    I once had a girlfriend who I really liked but she nicked my car ...

    ... Joy Rider she was called, I suppose I should've guessed <doh>
     
    #4523
  4. Ozzymac

    Ozzymac Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2019
    Messages:
    4,689
    Likes Received:
    10,939
    please log in to view this image
     
    #4524
    SAFCDRUM, Nordic, MrRAWhite and 3 others like this.
  5. Conspiracy Theorist

    Conspiracy Theorist Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 17, 2017
    Messages:
    338
    Likes Received:
    638
  6. Ozzymac

    Ozzymac Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2019
    Messages:
    4,689
    Likes Received:
    10,939
    please log in to view this image
     
    #4526
    Gordon Armstrong likes this.
  7. Nig

    Nig Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2019
    Messages:
    6,282
    Likes Received:
    15,030
    . IMG-20200102-WA0000.jpg
     
    #4527
    Saf likes this.
  8. Nig

    Nig Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2019
    Messages:
    6,282
    Likes Received:
    15,030
  9. Conspiracy Theorist

    Conspiracy Theorist Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 17, 2017
    Messages:
    338
    Likes Received:
    638
  10. Saf

    Saf Not606 Godfather+NOT606 Poster of the year 2023

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2018
    Messages:
    30,940
    Likes Received:
    39,756
    FE96B463-63B2-4483-99E3-42F457C51D4F.jpeg
     
    #4530
    Ozzymac and MrRAWhite like this.

  11. Saf

    Saf Not606 Godfather+NOT606 Poster of the year 2023

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2018
    Messages:
    30,940
    Likes Received:
    39,756
  12. Ozzymac

    Ozzymac Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2019
    Messages:
    4,689
    Likes Received:
    10,939
    Reminds me of a time as a kid (I was about 8). Brother and i had a scalextric set and his car was faster than mine.

    Being a forward thinking young man i figured that i could make mine faster by charging it up. Folded out the brushes, inserted them into the power point and flicked the switch. Scorch marks up the wall, the car shot out of my hand and i was thrown across the room. End result was the motor was fried.

    Not wanting to admit defeat i swapped the plastic bodies of the 2 cars so my brothers was ****ed and mine was now the fastest. Bloody good walloping from the old man when he came home but it was worth it to see my brothers face when his car wouldn't run at all :emoticon-0102-bigsm
     
    #4532
    MrRAWhite and Saf like this.
  13. Ozzymac

    Ozzymac Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2019
    Messages:
    4,689
    Likes Received:
    10,939
    THIS IS A CONVERSATION BETWEEN A MAN AND HIS WIFE.

    PLEASE NOTE THAT SHE ASKS SEVEN QUESTIONS, WHICH HE ANSWERS QUITE SIMPLY.

    BUT THEN SHE IS SPEECHLESS AFTER ANSWERING ONLY ONE QUESTION FROM HIM

    I BET THIS HAPPENS MORE OFTEN THAN NOT TO MOST HUSBANDS OUT THERE:


    WOMAN: DO YOU DRINK BEER?

    MAN: YES

    WOMAN : HOW MANY BEERS A DAY?

    MAN: USUALLY ABOUT THREE

    WOMAN: HOW MUCH DO YOU PAY PER BEER?

    MAN: $5.00 WHICH INCLUDES A TIP (THIS IS WHERE IT GETS SCARY!)

    WOMAN: AND HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING?

    MAN: ABOUT 20 YEARS, I SUPPOSE

    WOMAN: SO A BEER COSTS $5 AND YOU HAVE THREE BEERS A DAY WHICH PUTS YOUR SPENDING EACH MONTH AT $450.
    IN ONE YEAR, IT WOULD BE APPROXIMATELY $5400 CORRECT?

    MAN: CORRECT

    WOMAN: IF IN 1 YEAR YOU SPEND $5400, NOT ACCOUNTING FOR INFLATION,
    THE PAST 20 YEARS PUTS YOUR SPENDING AT $108,000 CORRECT?

    MAN: CORRECT

    WOMAN: DO YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU DIDN’T DRINK SO MUCH BEER, THAT MONEY COULD HAVE BEEN PUT IN A STEP-UP INTEREST SAVINGS ACCOUNT AND AFTER ACCOUNTING FOR COMPOUND INTEREST FOR THE PAST 20 YEARS, YOU COULD HAVE NOW BOUGHT AN AIRPLANE?

    MAN: DO YOU DRINK BEER?

    WOMAN: NO.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    MAN: WHERE'S YOUR AIRPLANE?
     
    #4533
  14. Smug in Boots

    Smug in Boots Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2011
    Messages:
    53,541
    Likes Received:
    112,736
    Bloke is with the doctor who tells him he should stop drinking, going out with his mates and chasing women.

    He asks if that's sure to make him live
    longer and the doctor says,
    'No, it'll just seem like it'.
     
    #4534
  15. Ozzymac

    Ozzymac Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2019
    Messages:
    4,689
    Likes Received:
    10,939
    Bloke is sitting at home and receives a phone call from the doctor....

    Doctor: Is this Mr Smith?
    Mr Smith: Yes it is
    Doctor: Good afternoon, your wife Mary came into see us and had some blood tests done..... And, well, there's a little problem.
    Mr Smith: Oh my god Doctor, what's wrong?
    Doctor: Well it appears we have 2 Mrs Smiths that attend the surgery and we aren't exactly sure who's tests belong to who.
    Mr Smith: I'm a little confused Doc, what does that mean?
    Doctor: Well, one patients tests came back with confirmation of dementia and the other is positive for HIV.
    Mr Smith: Bloody hell doc, what do you suggest?
    Doctor: Drop her off at the local shopping centre. If she comes home don't **** her
     
    #4535
  16. rooch 3

    rooch 3 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    16,667
    Likes Received:
    23,506
    Hell you will upset the flakiest on here with that one.
     
    #4536
    Ozzymac likes this.
  17. Nacho

    Nacho Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2011
    Messages:
    16,926
    Likes Received:
    25,827
  18. Ozzymac

    Ozzymac Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2019
    Messages:
    4,689
    Likes Received:
    10,939
    please log in to view this image
     
    #4538
  19. gelders pie

    gelders pie Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2011
    Messages:
    4,713
    Likes Received:
    8,836
    The inventor of anagrams has passed away. May he erect a penis
     
    #4539
  20. MrRAWhite

    MrRAWhite Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    26,980
    Likes Received:
    14,258
    Very clever.. It took me a while, but once you see them you wonder how you missed them in the first place..
     
    #4540

Share This Page